Wednesday, March 16, 2011

I like to pretend I control the World

It  doesn't always work out like I want it to. Here's a good example: At my house we have birds in a cage that like to make more noise than the rest of the world combined. So if ever i get tired of it I just walk up to thier cage and say in my Commanding Voice, "Stop It''

I am pretty intimidating, but i guess the birds don't know that or something cause they never stop sqauking. I alsto try to command the weather to fit my fancy. Oh and stoplights. Usually I end up looking like an idiot. But a legit idiot because of my Commanding Voice.

Sometimes this whole forgetting-I-am-not-in-charge-of-the-world thing gets me into some sticky situations. Like sometimes at three in the morning I pretend to make time go backwards ao that it is really only ten at night and i can stay up for a few more hours. The funny thing is that when i wake up in the morning it still feels like i only had like one hour of sleep. Wierd.

Also Sometimes if I do something stupid I mentally go back and fix the situation. If I act like a total idiot in front of a girl I just pretend it never happened and that she totally has the hots for me. Which causes for some interesting conversations.

This happened the other day. It went something like this:

CUTE GIRL: Hi Chad. We haven't hung out lately. Wanna have dinner at my place?

ME: Yeah.  Did you know that the square root of pi is 1.7724538....?

CUTE GIRL: Oh hey I forgot I'm Hindu and don't believe in dinner. Maybe some other time or something.

ME: Oh thats ok i don't really like dinner anyway. Also sometimes I talk to inanimate objects and tell them what to do.

CUTE GIRL runs away.

This did not work out as planned. What the heck? That square root of pi line totally worked in Twilight!! (Which we all know is the paragon of the perfect relationship and should be regarded as such) At this point I rewind the whole thing and do it over again Like this:


ME: the square root of pi is totally 1.7724538.

CUTE GIRL: OMG you know the squre root of pi? Thats so hot!

ME: Well I don't know all of it. Its never ending you know.

CUTE GIRL: Just like our love.

Then we would skip the date and go straight to the kissing part.

Also sometimes I make up entire situations/scenarios in my mind that don't exist in real life.

CUTE GIRL 2: Hi Chad

ME: Hi CUTE GIRL 2. You know what i was just thinking about? That one time when I gave you a piggy-back ride to this secret special meadow and told you that I wanted to suck your blood and you thought that was cute and then I sang Justin Bieber songs to you while I glittered in the sun and you told me my abs were hotter than Taylor Lautner's. remeber that day?

CUTE GIRL 2: .....   You know what? that might have been my non-existant sister that I am making up to let you know that I am so out of your league but I am trying to let you down easy anyway.

ME: Oh, yeah maybe. You know what? I have a non-existant sister too. Gosh, we have a lot in common. Maybe we should hang out. I know of this secret special meadow....

CUTE GIRL 2 runs away

So yeah.
That's pretty much how things go down in my life.


  1. HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!! I know how you feel bro! Any cute girls in particular eh? eh?

    And about stoplights: Don't worry about it. you're the pedestrian, so you can walk anytime you want.

  2. Chad, I love you. And I like your fish :)

  3. The birds gave themselves baths today and were quiet for like an hour. I assume it's because they were cold. It was heavenly.
    By the way, you're awesome.