Friday, February 25, 2011

A big fat 'What's What?' to the Universe

Dear Universe,

So things are not working out so much. You should probably fix that cuz it isn't my fault. I have a list of coplaints that better be taken care of pronto. I know I did this last week, but none of them were even addressed since then and if I take our conflict public you might start to take things seriously.

1. I WANNA CAR REALLY BAD!!!!! 4 Realz. I have to beg rides to everywhere. I'm not even going to ask you for some superfancy car that would be hard to get ahold of. Just as long as it gets 50 miles to the gallon and has a jacuzzi in back. Oh and a sun roof.

2. Hey umm I really need food. Like I could die without it. Except Ramen and I are so over. So you better hook me up with some serious gormet meals that also happen to be free. Maybe a professional chef could accidently back into my car (which you haven't given me yet) and feel like he has to make it up to me. I dunno. Just come up with something or you will have my death on your concience forever.

3. I feel like the living dead every day due to there are not enough hours of night. If I could get more than two hours of sleep everynight that would be pretty cool. Actually lets make it at least eight, just to be safe. And I still want to go to bed at three in the morning every night. Set aside world peace and work on this. In fact world peace would probably follow if everyone just got more sleep. Or you can just turn me into a vampire. That'd work too.

4. So remember how now that I am outta high school learning things costs money? And now that I am no longer mooching off of my parents I have to pay for things like 'rent'? And now that I have a credit card I have turned everysingleday into an online shopping spree? This means I am kindof lacking in the money department. So give me next weeks lotto numbers. Or I could inherit a fortune. Or discover oil. Get With It Universe! I'm doing half the work for you by coming up with brilliant ways to get me rich. Your Welcome.

5. I haven't gone on any celeb dates lately. In fact Taylor Swift hasn't returned any of my e-mails. In fact I don't even have her e-mail address. So get on that. Please. Pretty please. See, I'm nice to you.

Other than that things are pretty good. I can't complain about everything. I found an orange pen and it makes taking notes in class about 34 times funner. Also I got to vent in Delsy's car about STUPID PEOPLE that make me want to punch things. Also also I get to hang out every night with the funnest people ever. So yeah. You're doing an OK job I guess.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Me Being Really Lonely is Sometimes Really Awesome

That Title is a scrubs quote about a blog. It made me lol. It has nothing to do with this post.

There is a Legit Battle going on at the college right now. A LEGIT BATTLE.
People are running for student council.

That sounds like not-that-big-a-deal, but let me tell you, the campagning is getting Crazy. When I got to school there was this mass of 5,039,474,950 baloons that all were singing 'vote for me!!' in 7 part harmony. Also there are arches of balloons over everysingle doorway. and there are these little balloon-bushes that sprung up all along the walkways. I don't know why everyone decided to do balloons. bad idea.

I just really hope all the campagning balloons are hypo-allergenic. A lot of people are totally allergic to latex all the time. And these balloons are legit UNESCAPEABLE. I think they are setting up some that will follow you around and say catching phrases like 'Vote 4 Me' and 'monkeys are like us but without thumbs or brains or pants'

You can Smell the balloons before you even get on campus. This could seriously be unhealthy. In fact i might feign a latex allergy to get out of my other classes today. my teachers would totally understand. Like for real thats how bad the balloon epidemic is.

The reall problam with these balloons is: what are they filled with? 'Air' you think, but no, i am afriad it might be something more sinister. Like poisonous electric gas, and if these campagners don't win they might just threaten to Blow Up the School!! It could happen. The balloons have a sinister look to them that I don't trust.

 I will have to keep you updated, cause this student council election is bound to wind up on the news somehow. by tomorrow the campus will probably lifted up by all these not-so-harmless balloons and relocated in a remote island somewhere where the people running for stundent council will be supreme overlords over us. Whatever. Just as long as I don't have to take that biology test tomorrow.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Feeling the Love?

I'm not.
Not that I'm a Valentine's hater. Yeah Love conquers all and all that. Whoo hoo. Valentine's is not something imma bash on. But don't expect me to get all lovey-dovey on you. Unless you are going to get all lovey-dovey on me, in which case I might become a more avid Valentine's Day supporter. But no promises.

So things were pretty much just fine today. It didn't rain, snow or tornado. Nobody tried to kill me. People tolerated my existance. No attractive girls came up to tango with me. (P.S. that wasn't a good thing) I didn't get lovin from my love-muffin. Mostly cuz I don't even have a love-muffin. (Except for a few girls i am secretly dating online that don't actually know about me yet. Also not good.)

SO it was pretty normal, ya know. Heartless teachers trying their hardest to fail me and whatnot. Of course I ALWAYS COME OUT ON TOP!!!!!!!!

The real fun began after school. Which is when I started getting ready for a Non-Themed Potluck on Valentine's Day! Meaning I had to clean the kitchen and dining room while making minestrone soup and pumpkin chocolate chip cookies and giving everyone party updates. I felt like Superman a little bit for doing all those things at once. But mostly I felt like I was about to melt into a pile of onion flavored jello. Fun to look at, but really pretty gross and pointless. And gross.

So people came and some of them brought food and I was an ideal host and didn't tell anyone that I had hid all of the dirty dishes in the oven. There was real love in that room people. It was like 'oh all my frineds are together. Kodak moment! Lets take a picture and put it on my blog!' (yes I was really thinking of you. Happy Valentine's Day) The whole picture thing didn't happen though. I thought about drawing something for you, but you aren't worth the effort. (Now we can both have a dissappionting Valentine's Day.)

Anyway then people were all lingery and I was all tired and needing to not freak out on people and pretend I was listening, but as soon as everybody left, I was getting on my Margarita! Oh yes!

I went to a (Virgin) Margartia Night at a friends, and that was all the love I needed. And more. There were a few awkward moments, but what do you expect when we are all drinking sprite and margarita mix? Yeah, I know, bad excuse. BUT ITS THE DAY OF LOVE FOR PETE'S SAKE!! Yup, good excuse for anything. I could probably get away with anything if I just shouted that loud enough after the deed. Also attractive girls would probably tango with me. while biting a rose.

Back at home I got a call that said:  CHAD YOU HAVE A  WHY AM I USING CAPS LOCK SO MUCH? PACKAGE! It was a Valentine's Day package from the fam. With on of those speaking cards. Also chocolate. and gum. For fresh breath while tango-ing. Aw thanks family. At least someone loves me : ) <3

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Good News! And the events that led up to it.

So yeah life keeps happening. Last night we as a group of friends decided to make muffins and watch a movie about the supernatural! Except heres the best part: our muffins were rainbow-y. We mixed food coloring into the muffin batter and made magical muffin goodness. Highly recommended. Every food on earth is way cooler with food coloring.
So I came home and was all ‘muffin remains! Ima eatchu.’ And I got out the last of the rainbow muffins and suddenly from behind me I heard this chorus of angels singing. Needless to say I was pretty intrigued. I turned around to see what in my kitchen could angels be singing about other than me and maybe chocolate ice cream pie which is not yet invented. I turned around and there, behind me was
No big, you say? Have you ever tried living without a microwave? It’s hard, k? Think about all the delicious foods you can’t eat. Pretty much everything under $5. Which is all I am willing to pay. (You can guess that My microwavable-goodness stash in the cupboard hadn’t been seeing a lot of action.) I was so thrilled I slapped my muffins on a plate and shoved ‘em in the microwave
 (This is where the bad news part happened)
I started pressing buttons and nothing even happened!!! It was turned on and everything. Also I am a really hard button pusher so that could not have been the problem. The only button I could get to work was the Add 30 Seconds Button. I can tell this is about to be an ongoing battle betwixt myself and the microwave.

Our microwave might be the devil.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Weekend Of Death!!! X(

Thanks a lot weekend, I was all pumpped for you and then you got all mean and blew up on me and threw me in the acid rain with chunks of once-good-weekend all over my sad little body.

Yeah it was that bad.

I'M SICK!!! coughcoughGunkchoughHackchoughhghhgnkghgyj This weekend was gonna be bomb. But no. I got to work on Saturday and I was all 'hey work whats crackin?' and then my throat felt like it wanted to kill the rest of me and then my boss was all 'do you need to go home?' and I said 'NocoughcoughGunkI'm totallyHackcoughWheeze Fine.   cough.

She made me go home anyway. So I was all 'fine I can still have fun. Ima facebook stalk people and watch funny videos on youtube.' but i fell asleep. ALL DAY.

Now I am all weak and sore-like and my body doesn't want to do stuff and I can't go to my uncles house for a rockin super bowl party. X(  Not happy......

Friday, February 4, 2011

Weekend! Come and get it!!

Thank goodness for Friday! Thigs have been pretty busy this week. From stealing a microwave, to moving into my newnew house, to midnight meals at Denny's. Oh and I think school happened somehwere in between...


Anyway, so I am in my new place! Its a real life house and you can read about it on someother post that I wish I knew how to link to this one. I'm incompitent when it comes to technology. But I am in my new ManCave. Which is good news. I Am Done Moving, Gosh Darn It!!

So who knows what this weekend has in store? I'm listening to Glee and waiting for fate to bring something exciting into my life once again. The possibilities are limitless. Get ready for the BestWeekendEver!

Also I'm thinking about starting another blog... Input?

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Who Ordered the Cold??!?

Cold + Wind + Me =BAD!

The past few days decided to jump into a windy freezer, and all the rest of us have to suffer. I knew bad things were coming when it started to rain on my way to class yesterday. I wasn't wearing a coat for the first time in weeks because in had been warm weather for a long time. Foolish me.

Then the wind attacked like mad and I had to walk home without a coat. Today was even worse because I simply had to wear shorts. I'm not learning anything.

When I went out tonight I didn't want to wear a coat, so I walked around with a blanket. Its like I'm taunting mother nature; Yesterday I was all: 'Its not that cold! I don't even have to wear a coat!' And mother nature was all: 'Ok Imma make it even colder and windier!' And today I was all: 'Oh look I'm wearing shorts!' If this keeps up a natural disaster is looming in the very near future. At least I'll die wearing shorts.

So yeah. I think I was supposed to say something about my day. But I didn't. I felt like an idiot wandering the streets in a blanket. People probably looked at me even funnier than usual.

This is proabaly a waste of your time.

This was probably a waste of my time.