Monday, August 1, 2011

So Insomnia would Not be all that cool

When I was younger last before last night I had this crazy notion that having insomnia would be all that, but apparently not because I have bee up since three in the morning and the past four hours have been full of death and mental decay and heavy reflection on the end of the world. Its that bad you guys.

I think the reason I thought being an insomniac is because some really great and monumental people had insomnia. The only one that comes to mind right now is Edward Cullen. And according to last months Enquirer John Travolta. He even had an emtional breakdown about it in the middle of an interview. Feel free to support him by joining the John Travolta Insomnia Awareness Group on Facebook.

But really Stephanie Meyer made the whole 'insomnia' thing really attractive in the Twilight Saga. I mean instead of having to sleep for half of the day, Edward got to stay up all night writing songs for his true love, admiring his collection of graduation caps, and not owning a bed. Plus he was a vamplire That basically sounds like the life. I feel so duped. This is probably how people feel after they watch funny Budwieser commercials and then decide to go get drunk and wake up the next morning in prsion for DUI. Prison is nothing like a Budwieser commercial. And insomnia is nothing like Twilight.

So here is how it happened: I was all headache-y and junk last night so I took a nap at five-thirty-ish and forgot to wake up and ended up sleeping for forever until three in the morning. Then I got up to get a drink and the world was all BAM you are no longer tired.

So I booted up the netflix and watched an episode of "Thats So Raven" (How totally Jr. High am I?) but that got old pretty fast so I thought sleep might be a good idea. But apparently The Powers That Be did not agree with me. So I pulled out the old recipie book and whipped up a batch of chocolate chip cookies while listening to a cd from former roomate Daniel and pretending I was back in college again. But I wasn't as my mother reminded me when she woke up and found me dancing to Regina Spektor in the kitchen. Also if it was college I wouldn't have fallen asleep until three in the morning anyway. So this whole post would not have existed.

Then I watched the sun rise and walked through the dew-y grass and enjoyed nature for a few seconds. I wanted to write a song for my true love, but my piano masterpiece would've woken up the whole world, plus no stuck-up, insanely weel read, fairly annoying burnettes who are physically incapable of closing thier mouths have come into my life lately so that idea was out the window. So I started a book. I really wanted to go somewhere but everything is the world shuts down at nine around here and if my parents woke up to the sound of their son driving away in thier car without telling them that would be bad news. So I justen showered and changed clothes and worked out and created/listened to a new playlist and checked up on my youtube subscriptions and wrote a blogpost and it is not even seven-thirty yet.

Insomnia would probably be a lot cooler if I lived off of blood.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Remember when my blog was the coolest thing ever for a couple of seconds?

So I have determined that there is only a limited amount of funny to go around, and for some reason the fates have taken all my funny and given it to someone else. Or something. Maybe I wasn't worthy. Or maybe they like to mock me. Or maybe they are saving up for someone who is outragiously funny and makes everyone laugh everytime they open thier mouths. Like Ellen DeGeneres. Or Jim Gaffigan. Or Al Gore. If this is the case I may be willing to sacrifice being funny for the rest of my life. I really don't have anything else to offer the world though.

Maybe I can be an example of what not to do. You know how on TV shows like the aptly named 'What Not To Wear' people are presented to society as the epitome of bad? Their clothes are analized by professionials because those people are I guess just that bad at fashion. That's going to be me.

Someday someone will come across my scores of journals in which I have recorded everyday of my existance and decide that everyone needs to hear my story. And be the opposite of me. because no one should have to suffer my crippling social awkwardness and my inability to do menial tasks. Like phone calls. Or ordering food at a fast food place. Once my awkwardness at a drive through casued three oil rigs to explode in Alaska. Or maybe that was global warming. ha ha, Good one Al Gore.

So where was I going with this?  I think I was trying to relive my glory days. Or convince myself that this blog was at one time worth it. Or try to get you to not regret following it. Or just to make fun of Al Gore. That one never gets old :)

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Hope this is worth reading.

I find that some of my best posts happen when I just start typing with no goal in mind. This will be one of those.

Jamming to Britney Spears. And thinking about things. like why am I suddenly not funny. I am such a failure at  life. Bleh. Well I guess  I will keep saying things anyway. Even though they are stupid. And the girl I want to date is in a relationship. And I can't date her anyway because I am going on a mission in no time flat. I would mention her name but if she read this it would be really awkward. I'm pretty sure we are supposed to get married though. She doesn't know yet. Or that I exist probably.

Also I am at home tonight for the one millionth time in a row. That is what I miss about college: being able to hang out with people. I haven't done that since a long time ago. I hope you all feel very sorry for me. I just need to lose myself in a choclate oblivion

OH OH OH OH!!!!! My new obsession: The Voice on NBC. It's like the next American Idol. BUt nothing is better than American Idol. heres a clip:

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Well it looks like I'm alone again

I am home alone again for a few days sue to my family is on a trip and left me here to work. yay.

Its interesting the things I learn about myself whilst home alone. For example I do not eat. Like at all. Its kinda sad. Also I think that there is nothing to do but internet. Which is NOT TRUE.

Its not all bad though. I am going to join them tomorrow by driving to Pheonix and getting on a plane by myself!! I'm terrified!! :D

i am so terribly klutzy and awkward that something is bound to go terribly wrong. Not like life-threatening wrong, more like I-will-always-remeber-how-stupid-and-embarrassed-I-feel-right-now wrong.

I want to say that No one will be safe at sky harbor airport once I step in, but that sounds really threatening and would probably get me arrested if any airport personel were to read it.

K lets put it into perspective: i have been on a plane only once in my life, and that was sixth grade for the sea camp trip. My parents weren't there, but we were heavily guarded by chaperones. Even then I found a way to embarass myself by throwing up all over everything. Which is bad. If you throw up in an airport, people pretend to feel bad for you but underneath they are really saying 'I can't belive this kid throwing up everywhere and making us pretend to feel bad. Lets glare at him when he is not looking.' The event is probably on youtube. Actually on second thought it probably isn't on youtube because youtube wasn't invented yet. If I throw up tomorrow you can bet your lucky stars that I will be trending within 24 hours.

Also I am terrified of terrorists. With the serious security at airports there must be dozens of 'em trying to blow things up like everyday. What am I supposed to do if I am confronted by a terrorist? I don't even know. Probably hunt him down and shoot him but not release the photos online and shrowd the event in mystery. Thats what my president would want. Or twitter about it.

Also (and this is a little embarassing)  I have only driven down to the valley once. And it was last week. What if I forget that I am driving and crash into a tree? It could happen. Or what if I pick up a hichhiker who also happens to be a terrorist? Or a Zombie? And what do I do if the air port is not where y GPS tells me it is? And what if I run out of gas on the rez? There is so much to worry about.

And don't even get me started on the layovers...

(Hey ya''ll sorry that this post is stupid. You probably hate me. I am just not on top of my game. But I feel the need to post this mediocre crap anyway. I blame cucumbers.)

Monday, June 20, 2011

RIP Friday

As you all should know, the sensational hit song "friday" by Rebecca Black has been removed from Youtube. I guess her parents got in a fight with Ark Music company and thought it would be best to remove the vid til after it was resolved. Or possibly forever. I really hope not though.I love "Friday"

My heart goes out to Rebecca. She was enjoying her 15 minutes of fame and all of a sudden no one can see her video. Mostly my heart goes out to me as I may never see that wonderful music video again. I hope to see more from the very talented Rebecca Black soon. You have forever changed me. With or without the video I will always be getting down on Friday in my heart. <3

Friday, June 3, 2011

Work Part 2

So here is how things have gone with work so far:

All the People In Charge of Me got together on my first day and said: This Chad kid is new. Let's make him a stacker because that job takes little skill and concentration.

The next day the People In Charge of Me got together and said: Well Chad is a horrible stacker. Let's make him a packer as that job requires even less skill and concentration.

A few days later the People in Charge of Me got together and said: Wow Chad cannot even hadle packing. I know! Lets let him work with the De-stacker which requires lots of skills and concentration and involves operating dangerous equipment!

I fail to see the logic.

So I worked with the De-Stacker today (actually a few days ago but we will pretend, a'ight?). and that things is pretty crazy. I was trained in the ways of the destacker by Bryan who realized right away that I was pretty helpless at this job and wasted very little time explaining things to me. He did teach me a new skill however and it is called MOVING CARTS. Mostly it involves moving these carts. The carts happen to be full of crates which happen to be full of cucumbers which is appropriate as this is a cucumber factory place-thing.

So I was getting really good at moving these carts and hooking them up to the destacker when suddenly Bryan told me that I HAVE TO DO CERTAIN COLORED CARTS AT CERTAIN TIMES!! Instantly MOVING CARTS got a whole lot harder. The good part is that there was a lot of down time between each cart so I got to work on another skill: PACING. Pacing helped me concentrate while I tried to figure out which color of cart came next.

If any of the People In Charge of Me came to check up on me I would stop pacing and instead use the Stand & Nod technique in which I observe the De-Stacker and pretend that everything is going to plan even if it wasn't. Which was often.

See these empty crates come from somewhere and go into the De-Stacker, and if they are crooked or sideways when they go in then the whole world explodes.Which is bad. So this one time I was using the Stand & Nod tecnique because one of the People in Charge of Me (Abel? Fredrick? Tony? I don't even know) was dangerously close. Suddenly TonAbelFredricky started yelling like the world was going to end and sure enough one of the crates was ON ITS SIDE so I had to switch the machine to manual and fix the problem. Which is really complicated because it involves unlabeled buttons. One of them was a self-desruct button I am pretty sure and so the whole world would have ended anyway if I had puched it. But no. I was amazing and saved everything.

The next day I was back to Packing.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Hlkjfsadioewnmxvzkjfsd

Things are totally ffreaking out. Or something.
I got a job. So thats cool or something.
 LEt me tell you about it:

DISCLAIMER: I do not hate my job as much as I am about to pretend i do.

K I work at a Cucumber plant. And yesterday was my very first day of work ever and I was all "YAY I am going to get there like twenty minutes early so that I will look soo prefresional!"! So I got to work and this boss lady was all: "do you have your Paperwork?" and then I remembered that fat stack of papers that I had thrown on my bookcase and not filled out after I was offered the job. I wanted to say "Yes. just not with me" but I  was too shocked to feel witty. SO I just ran home and got them and filled them out while my Wonderful mother drove me back to work and I ended up like twenty minutes late.

When I got back all the newbies were in the conference room watching Ultra Cheezy videos about discrimination and other things that are completely unrelated to cucumbers. Then boss lady left us alone with nothing to do for like half an hour and it was really awkward. Then she send us on break for another half an hour. Then someone was Really Flagrantly late so we got to watch the discrimination videos all over again!! Then we did nothing and a half (Which is more than nothing) For like ever.

Finally we went out to the cucumber packhouse. Where I was all excited to learn NEW SKILLS!!! Which is really cool cause they help you out in real life. Oh and the packhouse reminded me of Mr. Roger's Nieghborhood because they go visit factories and see where things are made. Like Crayons and Cucumbers. So my trainer took thirty seconds to teach me how to stack boxes of cucumbers. Then he told me that I know everything I need to know to work here for a year. So much for life skills. Later someone took twenty seconds to teach me how to pack cucumbers into the boxes. It involved counting to twelve.

So after doing all that for like five hours I got to go home and get ready for graduation. I couldn't help but find it totally hilarious that I was losing my freedom the same day all these cute little seniors were getting thiers. Thank you real world.
Also all I had on my agenda for graduation night was a game of Risk with my mom (Which did not even happen, P.S.)

So at least this weekend I have a family reunion right? Except oh no the real world wants to rob me of that too. Yeah I work all weekend : ( My family left me a cute and sincere note though. Oh and the whole house to myself,. And a car. I can pretend I am in college all over again. But instead of friends I now have a car. I'm moving up.

So today I we got off before one o'clock WHICH DOES NOT HAPPEN EVER. So I am going to spend the rest of the day Screaming 'The Lazy Song' by Bruno Mars and Eating delictables. Except I kindof just got my wisdom teeth out and still can't eat anything hard or open my mouth hardly. So that plan might be out the window...

My parents did leave me with some money so next on the agenda: $20 SHOPPING SPREE!!!!!!!
Somebody save me.

Friday, May 20, 2011

The things I have Learned in College

I am now officially out of college forever (meaning for two years). So I am totes going to give you all the advice in the world. I am so generous and kindly.

Here is what you will/have learned in college if you are me:

  • Never ever loan anything to anybody ever.
I don't know why, but suddenly when you get to college are of your friends are not responsible with anything but their own belongings, and sometimes not even that, so don't trust anybody to give you back anything you lent them. You really cannot trust ANYONE. I once lent something to my roommate and when he moved out he took it with him. I had to break into his house and steal it back while he was away.
How to avoid this: Demand collateral! If someone wants to borrow your fav movie tell them 'only if i can borrow the shirt off of your back.' If they are willing then they totally deserve the movie.
The good side: You now have an easy way to get rid of all your not-so-hipster clothing.

  • Yes, you can function on three hours of sleep.
Not very well though. Don't plan on taking any kind of coherent notes before 11am. If you want to be cool and defy the system, throw a breakfast party at seven in the morning. No one will show up, but you will feel really cool.
  • For once the world really does revolve around you.
You don't gotta do nothin for nobody. (except maybe homework but that doesn't count) Live it up while you can. Note the word 'once'. Also this gives you permission to get your drama queen/king on. Be all that about your roommate troubles and pretend that your problems are the only ones in the world. In fact feel free to make up horrible things to complain about like:
 I have 52 1/2 credits,
the whole world hates me. I saw it on Yahoo news,
my significant other doesn't spend enough time thinking about me,
you are dumb,
my teachers are failing me on purpose,
and
my rommates are really aliens come to eat my brain.
  • Gossip is unnavoidable.
K we are a bunch of young adults. The only thing keeping us from going all Lord of the Flies on each other is by coming up with non-violent ways to hate on our peers. I have spend good long nights talkin up a storm about other people. This is probably because the college I went to was actually just a two year extention on high school. It is totally fun though.
Tip: instead of making up rumors about others, come up with some gossip worthy aciton yourself (Think 'Easy A')
  • Food now means anything canned, boxed, dehydrated, instant or ramen-ized.
You can't really ramen-ize something. But is sounded cool. Don't try and make any real food in college. Its funner to see how long you can last without fresh anything. Try having a ramen-a-thon with your friends by seeing who can last the longest eating nothing but ramen noodles. When people come to visit, offer them very simple meals that are 'real'. like fruit salad. Or boxed meals with a twist like Macaroni and Cheese and Spam. People will be amazed by your cooking skills. Really.
  • Mooching is absolutely ok.
You will feel bad at first, but if anybody offers you thier last little debbie snack you better be all over that. Its thier loss you know. also it helps their karma because they are doing something nice for you. They don't even have to offer. I got to the point where I would go to pretty much any friends house and get a meal out of it. It's ok. you are totally poor probably, so why not live off of other poor people's stuff. Consider it a way for you to get others to help the less fortunate (meaning you). Also mooching rides is a must if you are vehicle-less.
  • Get Good Grades
HA! Gotcha!

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Wha's hapenin' yo

So lately there has been this thing called finals where you risk 50% of your grade on one test. It's a lot like the lightning round in Jepordy. Most people totally freak out about this stuff and run around screaming about how the whole world will end if they don't memorize everything ever. For me finals are just another thing for me to put on my Things-to-completely-forget-about-and/or-ignore list along with the birds, global warming, and the stalker chick who lives two blocks down.

Dear my parents who are reading this: that last part was a joke i am really focusing on my academics cuz why else would i go to college right?

Yeah. k. So I actually kinda care about finals. Yesterday was crazy stuff cause I was all: Finals week is Super Easy cuza we have no classes and just like a couple of tests. But no, yesterday was a whirlwind of crazy. Some unknown force possesed me and made me sign up to work the Monday morning of finals week from 7 to 9. So I woke up thinking 'why did I even do thid to myself?' I have finals at 7 am on Wednesday and Thursday so yeah early morning work on Monday = not a good idea.


This is a waterfall to break the monotony of my complaining =D
 Then later that self-same Monday this on kind who I don't even know the last name of was texting me and was all oh yeah by the way our final is in 45 minutes. and it WAS and I freaked out. The End.

Also i had another other final and vocal juries which is where you sing at people and they tell you if you passed the singing class.

Today was a little different. I had ZERO FINALS

Picture of an Eye
 I woke up at late o'clock and chill-ed and watched like so many episodes of the Twilight zone!! anyway wow I am a horrible blogger.
I losing it folks

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Another Random Post when I am Supposed to be doing Homework

So yeah. I have another HUGE-MUNGO Essay due tomorrow. While I was watching American Idol I thought 'I will never have to write another essay for two whole years. Thats kinda sad.' then this halleluia chorus went off in my head and I was offered cotton candy and my own indoor pool by Jennifer Aniston. Also I think I got a pet elephant. Then I realized that I still had to write the thing and everything went bad and the cotton candy was rock hard and the pool was filled with gravy (which is pretty cool but really impractical) and Jennifer Aniston had horrble breath. That's basically nwhat went through my head.

When I stopped zoning out I saw this:

Haley Reinhart My FAV Contestant totally hit it out of the park. Sha-Bam! It was the best thing quite possibly ever.

Except this funny commercial!!
BAHAHAHAHA!!! I'S LAUGHING SO HARD!!

Friday, April 29, 2011

When life gives you pears...

I don't really know where I was going with that title. If life gave me a pair of pears they would probably not be friends. In fact they would absolutley hate each other. I would just have to sit back and watch them try to kill each other. Which would be pretty awesome cause if you have ever seen a violent fruit its pretty spectacular. Actually what would probably happen (because I am listening to 'My Love' by Sia which is a sad song) is that one pear would realize he secretly loved the other one and kill himself because she hates him. Then when he was dead and in a friut salad she would be sad because she secretly loved him too and then she would throw herself into the garbage desposal. We don't actualy have a garbage desposal. Or pears. Holy freak I am tired.

I think the guy pear would make an alliance with the stawberries which would make it especially poignant when they are chopped up and put together in a fruit salad. Oh and one of the stawberries was secretly in love with the guy pear, but her husband was very nice and she wanted to be faithful to him because he was begining to grow a mold spot and she wanted his last days to be pleasant. The ironic thing is that for the fruit in the kitchen, any day could be thier last day it just depends on the whims of the people living there. What a precarious situation. It would  cause one to wonder why the pears ever pretended to be mad at each other if they could have been seperated without warning. This is reflective of our society because even though we could all be taken from this life in an instant we still don't always care for each other. I am so smart.

The bananas would be neutral. They sit pretty out of the way anyway. if we had a cantalope of honeydew she would be very wise and be able to tell the other fruits really wise things about what to do. Except here is the kicker: she is eaten a piece at a time and so everytime part of her is cut off she grows weaker and less wise and eventually she starts telling everyone to do crazy stuff like throw themselves into non-existant garbage desposals.

The apples would be double agents and try to help both sides. they would come to blame themselves for the suicidal pears. In the end, however, everyone ends up in one big bowl of fruit salad for someone to eat. The fruits would give people life and nutirents. Would it matter what their life was like if they serve their purpose of being eaten? Do they even know that they are here solely for our consumption? What a tragic fate for the ignorant and pre-destined fruits. This would make an epic movie. Or a really stupid blog post... :/

Monday, April 25, 2011

My Post-Bucket List

If you're not me, you've probably done some pretty stupid things in your lifetime.
How do I keep from doing stupid stuff? SUPER SIMPLE: I just tell myself I will do it after I die.

I figure I better not screw up this life too much, so when I have the urge to do something really stupid and/or dangerous I just let myself know that I can totally do all that stuff whenever I get reincarnated or whatever. I don't really believe in reincarnation though, so there is kindof a flaw in this logic. Whatevs, it works for me...

K mostly I just try to avoid things that I will regret... ya know things that will permenantly alter my life in a way that might not be that fun in about a week, like running away to join the circus. Or stuff that I am just plain scared to do, like swimming with sharks. Anyway, I've compiled all my Crazy ambitions into a blog post which is aptly called the Post-Bucket List

Rob a Bank- come on who wouldn't want to do this? The movies make it look really fun and exciting. If I ever become a legit robber I will blame oceans eleven

Assasinate someone really important- Also I blame the media. Or maybe I am just a crime junkee on the inside. I'll let you know.

Camp out on the Reservation- I have this thoery that the reservation really isn't scary at all and that there is just a lot of talk to keep people out of the Indian's business. I have never had the courage to try to prove this theory. Anyone up for a campout?? I'll bring pizza!

Gator Wrestling- This would be awesome. Especially if I was super skilled and could own that gator. Actually it would't be fun at all unless I owned that gator. Cause then I would be dead or something. I would probably get news coverage though.

Start an epic computer virus that wipes out the majority of the world's technology- Then I would hide in my house with my years supply of oreos, peanut butter and fruit juice and watch humanity try to survive.

Haunt something- I guess since I will be dead I totally can do this probably, even if I can't do any of this other stuff.

Go and live with wild animals- I think this happened in a movie. Like the Jungle Book or Tarzan something. I would go and be a child of the wolves and it would be epic and also I might get a book written about me. Or a Disney movie.

Become a drug lord- Money. Power. Near Death Experiences. Whats not to love about this job? Oh and You don't have to pay taxes. Hmmm maybe I shouldn't wait to do this one....

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Things that Happen

Disclaimer: this is not a funny post. I just haven't posted in a while time and after reviewing my first post ever I realized that this has become a blog where I shove my wit and humor down peoples throats. So lets get back to the whenandwhatever I want. This story may or may not be true. Names have been changed.
I was sitting in history class thinking about Cierra Burden; mainly because she had just walked in the door, and it was kinda funny that she didn’t walk in with Danny Ferolino, I was thinking, because she really liked him and I thought that he was kind of into her too and I was thinking it was strange that they had never sat together even though they were both in this class and I wondered why. She was sitting on the whole other side of the room practically, not even looking at him, which was pretty impressive because she had been after him almost all year and unless something major had happened in their relationship she should be ogling at him about now. In fact they should be sitting together. But they weren’t, and that’s kinda why I was thinking about Cierra Burden in the first place.
 She was kind of a cute girl. She was the type that didn’t like to look up at you in the hallway even if she knew you pretty well. She wore this hat sometimes that I really liked. It was one of those knitted hats, you know, kinda like a net sagging over her hair. She mighta made it herself come to think of it. But that’s why I was at all interested in Cierra and Danny; she was a quiet girl and I was pretty thrilled when I saw she had a shot with Danny Ferolino cause she certainly wasn’t the only one after him. It sure took him a while to catch on though. I would hear her talking about him and how they were going to the movies or something next weekend. I knew her roommate pretty well and so I was over there quite a lot just hanging out. She never talked to me directly, really. She was just that type.
Then in walked a very busty girl in a honey colored dress with a think beige braided belt and she made a big deal of dropping her bag right next to Danny Ferolino and sitting in the chair on his left smiling like crazy. She had this big phony, smile that really showcased her gums and I could tell Danny was not interested. By now our professor had started lecturing, but I wasn’t listening. I was too busy watching Cierra and Danny on opposite sides of the classroom. She was really trying to pay attention to the lecture and not look at Danny, but I could see her stealing a quick peek at him and that busty chick every time she looked up from her notes. She was just that type; the type that would look down at her notes practically the whole class and not look up at the teacher unless he was using a visual aid or to steal glances at a guy or something.
The busty chick was leaning in and whispering something to Danny and he unleashed a grimace that proved he wasn’t all that in to this girl at all which is weird because like I said he should have been sitting by Cierra Burden. I felt kinda bad for Cierra. I wanted to go visit her. I hadn’t been to her place in kind of a while, and I wanted her to think of me as a friend and maybe smile at me in the hallway sometime. I wanted to just walk up to her in the middle of class and ask her out for tonight. I wanted to tell her I would be at her place at say seven-thirty with a movie and a pizza, but not a very good movie so we wouldn’t have to pay attention to it the whole time and maybe just talk if we wanted to. I might even put my arm around her if I thought she wanted me to. She would have Kool-Aid made and we would drink almost the whole pitcher by the end of the night. After the movie we would talk about who we had a crush on in Junior High and make snickerdoodles and eat them in her backyard looking up at the stars and sitting in the grass and not even talking to each other. That would be my way of letting her know I was her friend even if we had never really talked and she didn’t know me as anybody other than her roommate's friend.
It was a nice thought, and I thought about it in class; you know the little details like would she want to watch the movie or talk more, and would she pick the pepperonis off her pizza and give them to me and after words would she want me to come visit her sometimes and hang out? I wanted to ask her out right then and there, but like I said, the lecture was already started and she would hate it if I caused some kind of scene asking her out, so I just sat there wondering what it would be like if we really did go on a date. Danny seemed pretty shook up by this busty chick and he would probably want to make it up to Cierra by going to her place tonight to hang out so it’s not like I really had a shot anyway. The big reason why I didn’t just ask her out on the spot is because I didn’t think I could handle her. Cierra didn’t stick up for herself. If I asked her out I would feel like I was leading her on or something. I wouldn’t be leading her on; it would be easy to do though. Cierra just wasn’t a fighter. Which is why I didn’t ask her out in the middle of history class. It was just a nice thought is all.
Class let out and I was ready to be out of there, but I didn’t really want to go home either. I thought about maybe going to the library and I was practically there when I saw newlyweds Becca and Jackson walking towards me and Becca always says hi to me when she sees me and just thinking about her smiling and saying hi to me while she held her husband’s hand just about killed me, so I turned to the left and headed home. It wasn’t until I was almost there that I remembered that we didn’t have any air conditioning yet and it had been so hot all day. I thought about going to check my mail at the post office even though I knew I didn’t have any mail. It would give me a place to go for thirty seconds that actually had cold air and it would give me an excuse for going to my house the back way. I didn’t think I could handle opening up my front door and feeling the hot, stiff air, but going through the back it should be a lot easier to deal with. I don’t know why but things seem to work out like that.
 I was practically through the back door when I remembered that someone had just cleaned the kitchen spotless and thinking about opening up the back door on that spotless kitchen just made me so upset. I couldn’t even tell you why, but I did it. I plowed through anyway, snatched my laptop up from my room and logged on. I could hear the sounds of anime and video games coming from the room across from me. It seemed like all the kids in that room ever did was watch anime and play video games. I couldn’t ever bring myself to go in there even though it was a part of the same house. It seemed like all kinds of people that don’t even live here are going in and out of that room without even knocking and I can’t even bring myself to knock on the door. Not that I would want to. I don’t really like anime or video games.

UPDATE: The next time we had class Ceirra and Danny were sitting together. I thought you might need some closure.

Monday, April 11, 2011

How to Make Everyone Fall in Love with you and get a Kazillion Compliments

If you want everyone to legitly love you and praise you to the roof I've got some Ridiculously good tips that will make you the object of everyone's affection. IT TOTALLY WORKS!! I've pretty much mastered the process and now everybody loves me like crazy.

1. Find a way to perform on stage in front of all your friends. Let them know all about it and beg them to come. They will totally go if they are real friends, even if they think it will be terrible.

2. Be super awkward in real life. That way when you get on stage and can act somewhat less awkward, people will be all 'Whoa! How does he do that?' Cuz Everyone knows that being on a stage will automatically up someones awkward level by twenty percent. Unless you are legit.

3. Sing a song that a lot of people know and like. People will not expect you to live up to their expectations, but you have to perform it almost halfway decent.

4. sing just barely out of key like the whole time. Pretend you can't hear the piano all that well. and Make wierd faces every once in a while to let everyone know that you are suffering along with them and that singing this badly is even more painful than listening to someone sing this badly. This gets you sympathy points.

5. Instead of trying to act competent on stage go totally CRAZY!! Act like someone you would be afriad of in a dark alley. The stage makes stuff like that look cool. Also People will not expect that, especially if you are dressed up fancy-like.

6. You must wear a sparkley tie. This is not optional. It will make your performance 23 times better and you will get more compliments on your tie than on your singing.

7. Your voice must crack on at least 3 high notes (to prove that you are trying really hard) and 1 not high note (This is a real kicker and makes everyone fall in love with your voice).

8. DO NOT take a drink for at least an hour and a half before the performance. Your voice must be raspy and gross sounding.

9. Also don't go to the bathroom any time before you sing. If you look like you have to go potty it'll be cooler.

10. Afterwords people are totally going to compliment you. Just ignore them, or say you did a bad job. Then people will become even more infatuated with you and persist in complimenting you even more.

11. You must blog about it and invite all your facebook friends to read it. Then they will post all kinds of complimental comments.

My theory on the Weather

Umm so suddenly it got all cold and windy this week.... Here's why:
Some evil genius decided to send the entire Earth back in time so he built a device that would send the Earth flying into the past (hence the wind) but we only got as far as last winter (hence the cold)

He was trying to take over the world or something but he pretty much failed. Just made everyone freaking upset by tricking us all into wearing shorts on the one day that there is freezing cold wind and rain and making us all walk home from work without a jacket....

or maybe that was just me.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

It's a Wonderful Life

So I am having one of those moments where you wonder: what would the world be like without me? Ever since that fabulous movie that everyone decided is all about Christmas and was a step in the over-commercialization of that holiday came out, it's been an interesting topic of inner conversation for many people. Or at least me....

I mean its not like this is something you can really talk to your buddies about. It would be pretty awkward. Not to mention nobody thinks about what the world would be like without other people. just themselves. And mega celebraties. Like Walt Disney, or Dr. Seuss, or Lady Gaga.

So I was hoping that by now some guardian angel would show me what things would be like if I had never been born, but since that is not the case I am going to have to speculate and you are going to have to enjoy it. It'll be enlightening probably. Or super boring. Whatevs.

So here we get to the good part:
Without me life would suck.

Welp that just about covers it.

But since that probably isn't very satisfying I will go into detail:
1. You would not be reading this. Unless somehow I was able to prject my nonexistant self into a coputer and you somehow stubled upon it, but that sounds too much like what would happen in an early twenty-first century movie in which the mysterious blog suddenly begins spouting out information about something to change the course of history like the end of the world or the unexpected bankrupcy of McDonald's.

2. Barak Obama would not be president. He would instead be supreme ruler of the world. I have spent countless hours of service keeping him from allowing the power-hungry-tyrant side of him from gaining control. Your Welcome.

3. American Idol would not even be on the air anymore. I pretty much single-handedly kept that show somewhat popular during the hard times. Also I voted at least a thousand times per season and its all my fault that Carrie Underwood and Jordin Sparks are where they are now.

4. Umm I don't know. You would probably have to have a psychiatrist or something because you would feel this horrible void in your life and you wouldn't be able to figure out whats missing. And quite possibly I am the only thing that is keeping you sane. Probably.

So yup. Pretty grim picture of life without me. Oh and did I mention the angry and purposeless mob that would roam the streets and commit random acts of violence? There would be one of those too. 

Monday, April 4, 2011

Life would be SO much Easier if Homework Forgot to Exist

This statement is true. I would just have to go to class and maybe take tests. I mean really homework actually is just like a test except outside of class and not timed and you can cheat share answers and you can use notes. But other than that exactly the same.

So this is what my night would have looked like tonight if it weren't for homework:
Best Night EVER!

Yeah. Catcher in the Rye, Sobe, and Oreo cakesters (they are amazing! they taste super good and really gross at the same time). Really, what else could you ask for? A girlfriend NOTHING!   AT ALL!!

Can you tell I am trying to put off my homework? Its pretty impressive how much I can get done when I have something to do that I really don't want to do. and by 'get done' I mean stay on facebook without getting messaged by someone I don't actually want to talk to and g2g-ing out of there.

The only thing keeping me going is Haley Reinhart singing "Bennie and the Jets" Its phenom:
 
Holy Freaking goodness I love it so much. I hope my roommates don't mind as I listen to this 200 time in a row while  I write my 1250 word essay on Shakespeare.

 
Have some sympathy. We've all been there: night before an assignment is due and you think "yeah right that is not even a big deal i can whip it together in all of five seconds because I am gangster like that" but no because Microsoft Word emits this light that totally shuts off your brain and sends you subliminal messages to go the heck back online and waste your life away. That's why its so hard to concertrate when you write a paper. Its real. I read it online.

I've been writing this post for maybe six minutes and I already have more content on here than I do on my essay I have been hacking at for an hour.....

: (

So this has been my FAILED attempt to make my 5-page essay dissapear by spending another 10 minutes online. Maybe if I check facebook again...


Friday, April 1, 2011

Blogging is hard ok?

I have started maybe four blog posts today and they were all HORRIBLE and GROTESQUE and all other bad things. I will try to fix 'em up and post 'em because some of them were potentially funny. I think today I have just been half dead today. What I really want right now Is: Ice cream, a bubble bath, and a marathon of the best of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

 Instead I just now decided to give you some vids to watch. you probably won't and I don't really expect you to, but If i give you something to do it makes me feel a little better about myself.

This video is the greatest thing ever because It combines my two favorite youtube sensations. Everyone fall in love right now.

This is just Sam.
And this is just Chirstina.
and this is some chillins dancing to Regina Spektor.
And this is my favorite song of all time ever. Its is actually really catchy. and everyone should stop bashing because it is not her fault that her parents bought her a lame music video.

And this is a FAILED post.
XP

Monday, March 28, 2011

My Ongoing Battle With the Microwave

So my microwave hates the human race. Mostly it just hates me and decided that I am a good representation of my species. Every time I walk into my kitchen it is sitting there laughing at me because it knows that virtually every college student in the world would starve to death without microwavable meals. It knows how important it is in my life. Oh microwave, I hate you.

At least its a mutual feeling. It would be way worse if I really loved my microwave and wrote it cute little songs on the ukulele and it turned my food into firey bricks of death anyway.

No, we hate each other which is really not fair because I never gave my microwave any reason to hate me. Whatever, its too late for that now...

So yeah, we hate each other and totally fight to the death every other day. MY MICROWAVE WON'T COOK MY FOOD!!!!! I have given up on all things pot-pie. Other things are do-able, it just takes some know-how.
Exanples:
Burritos: Do-able but only if cut up into fourths and rotated every fifteen seconds.

Chef Boyardee: Do-able but only if cooked for four and a half minutes stirring every thirty seconds and letting cool for five more minutes.

Hot Pockets: No hope

See what I have to put up with??!?! The microwave wins most of the 'food cooking' battles, but I win most of the 'physical stregnth' battles. And i totally win all of the 'verbal abuse' battles, but I'm pretty sure while i am screaming degrading comments at my microwave it is secretly throwing heaps of radiation at me...

Maybe I'll throw it off a cliff.

Or just cook everything stovetop.

Nope, definatly the cliff.

X(

I AM NOT AFRIAD!!!!!!!!!!!!

K so now that I have like seven followers I have a message for you:
I am not afraid of you.

I am not going to feel pressure everytime I post because I am wondering if I sound stupid or if you wish you had never started following this blog or if global warming is real and Al Gore actually deserved that Nobel prize. I am NOT freaking out and feeling insecure about things.

For Real.

Also I am not going to spend hours planning a blog post to just to entertain y'all. This blog is for me, so stop harassing me about how funny it is or how much you are entertained by it or how i better post something really good that makes you totally LOL or else I will get a suckerpunch to the self-esteem or how if i post by tuesday you will make me chocolate chip muffins. (Actually I am always open to good food so feel free to mention that last one.)

Um yeah. i'm so cool and not intimidated.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

I like to pretend I control the World

It  doesn't always work out like I want it to. Here's a good example: At my house we have birds in a cage that like to make more noise than the rest of the world combined. So if ever i get tired of it I just walk up to thier cage and say in my Commanding Voice, "Stop It''

I am pretty intimidating, but i guess the birds don't know that or something cause they never stop sqauking. I alsto try to command the weather to fit my fancy. Oh and stoplights. Usually I end up looking like an idiot. But a legit idiot because of my Commanding Voice.

Sometimes this whole forgetting-I-am-not-in-charge-of-the-world thing gets me into some sticky situations. Like sometimes at three in the morning I pretend to make time go backwards ao that it is really only ten at night and i can stay up for a few more hours. The funny thing is that when i wake up in the morning it still feels like i only had like one hour of sleep. Wierd.

Also Sometimes if I do something stupid I mentally go back and fix the situation. If I act like a total idiot in front of a girl I just pretend it never happened and that she totally has the hots for me. Which causes for some interesting conversations.

This happened the other day. It went something like this:

CUTE GIRL: Hi Chad. We haven't hung out lately. Wanna have dinner at my place?

ME: Yeah.  Did you know that the square root of pi is 1.7724538....?

CUTE GIRL: Oh hey I forgot I'm Hindu and don't believe in dinner. Maybe some other time or something.

ME: Oh thats ok i don't really like dinner anyway. Also sometimes I talk to inanimate objects and tell them what to do.

CUTE GIRL runs away.

This did not work out as planned. What the heck? That square root of pi line totally worked in Twilight!! (Which we all know is the paragon of the perfect relationship and should be regarded as such) At this point I rewind the whole thing and do it over again Like this:

blahblahblah-InviteToDinner

ME: the square root of pi is totally 1.7724538.

CUTE GIRL: OMG you know the squre root of pi? Thats so hot!

ME: Well I don't know all of it. Its never ending you know.

CUTE GIRL: Just like our love.

Then we would skip the date and go straight to the kissing part.

Also sometimes I make up entire situations/scenarios in my mind that don't exist in real life.
Example:

CUTE GIRL 2: Hi Chad

ME: Hi CUTE GIRL 2. You know what i was just thinking about? That one time when I gave you a piggy-back ride to this secret special meadow and told you that I wanted to suck your blood and you thought that was cute and then I sang Justin Bieber songs to you while I glittered in the sun and you told me my abs were hotter than Taylor Lautner's. remeber that day?

CUTE GIRL 2: .....   You know what? that might have been my non-existant sister that I am making up to let you know that I am so out of your league but I am trying to let you down easy anyway.

ME: Oh, yeah maybe. You know what? I have a non-existant sister too. Gosh, we have a lot in common. Maybe we should hang out. I know of this secret special meadow....

CUTE GIRL 2 runs away

So yeah.
That's pretty much how things go down in my life.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Fulipping Whitacre

So
remeber those youtube vids that I value over you?
Well Ima put some on here. Actually just three.
That are all Eric Whitacre songs.
I LOVE his music.
It just like speaks to my soul or something
Your don't have to watch any of them,
But they are all totally legit!

Here a boy sings Lux Aurumque. The middle part was changed to a segment from Whictiacre's show Paradise Lost.
After he stops singing he sneezes a lot and pleads for recognition
So you should probably skip that part
its annoying.
This is the afore mentioned segment of Paradise Lost in that other vid. Except this is legiter cuz it has a techno beat.
Which was intentional.
This is a remix of the Eighties song 'voices carry' by Til Tuesday.
It is so amazing I cannot even tell you.


K your lives are enriched. Be greatful.

Laziness: Its a disease.

I have been so tired all day. And its only 10. Somebody shoot me. (Not 4 realz ya'll. I'm not suicidal.) But if you feel at all concerned feel free to stop by and bring me peanut butter cookies and gift certificates to book stores.

My bed has been my BFF since about one o'clock this morning and when I had to leave it for class at seven in the morning my bed was very distraught and threatened to leave me. Which was saddening because I didn't want to be seperated from my bed either. It took a flipping act of congress to get me out of bed today.
That's how it started.

I was totally determined to ditch my english class at eight, but I guess my feet didn't get the memo because just as the clock tower was ringing 8 they were walking me over to my class. I thought maybe it was meant to be or something, but yeah right, because that was the lamest class of all time ever. i was falling asleep the whole time and I felt like the living dead.

So as not to carry this baggage all day I am ditching my next class which I probably would have really liked. Because today everything is just out of whack. Also I feel about as active as a sack of flour. Maybe I can pretend to be really sick........

I just need to sit on a couch all day watching Buffy the vampire Slayer and eating ice cream. Good Plan.

ItS jUsT oNe Of ThOsE dAyS...........sdf;lkjvkndsjoerw,mvvd ljfdsoiwenmss oirewkjfds kjsnbvoiwe98 ndfjsdokfds,vxkl ,fsdjcxjfs anmjeweoi32 jsdfiosdf kjgcxbnadsoi yn eikdemz, mklpod,, . l .,l sdapfjwe.

That was code. Figure it out and it will lead you to riches and whatever.

Uninspired

Sorry readers and fans, All 5 of you. I have been infused with an overdose of writer's block. K actually mostly my life has been all lets-become-a-crazy-GANGSTA-whirlwind-of-busy/unimportant-but-some-important-things. So I haven't been ignoring you. I've just been paying more attention to less important things. Like reading in trees. And youtube. and OHMYGOSH MARIOPAINT. things like that.
don't be offended.
K fine be offended, but I don't need you anyway. I'm totally lying to you. I totes need you. We complete each other or something. Why don't we meet up for dinner tomorrow I will pay, but only if its Chinese.

Holy Goodness I need sleep.

Just now in my head i decided to make a list of things I want right now. Right Now.

1. A water slide. Complete with fun and laughter. but nobody can use it except by way of special invitation.

2. Ice cream. Legit ice cream. With nuts and whipped creme. But nothing else. not even a cherry because I'm not gonna go with the flow on this one.

3. Snapple Juice. And more than just the strawberry-kiwi kind you can get at superstop. I'm talking legit Snaple fruit punch which seems to have dissapeared from the face of the earth. The company must have probably all been bought out by a mega billionare who lives on a desert island with nothing but crates of Smapple, because all of his wealth has made him crazy and he can't handle society but no one can critisize him because they want to be on his good side in case he leaves them in his will.

4. A hanging bed. There is probably a legit word for this, but its a bed that hangs from the ceiling like a hammock but a mattress. also it should have curtains around it or something.

5. My own tv show. Probably a reality TV show so i could be all dramatic and super annoying and still be cool. AlsoProbably I would be on magazine covers like the teen moms.

6. Some really legit chips and slasa. That's all you need. I'm pretty sure the Beatles wrote a song about this.

Wow that was a really random post proving that yeah right I don't have writers block, i am just lazy. Whoops. Sorry. Don't be dissaponted or i might have to have an awkward argument with you again. and that would just be embarassing.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

The World According to Chad

Right now I am being sung to by a buncha gorgeous voices in my living room. My roommate got together a whole group of people just to sing to me. That is an untruth. But sitting in my room trying to write my english midterm I like to pretend that people care enough to assemble entire choirs to entertain me.

Wouldn't that be the greatest? I would be all 'hey instant choir that is only here to serve me, I can't go to sleep, whip out a lullabye for me.' Then they would because really who doesn't love to serve me? Also I am very influential and a great example to everyone so I totally deserve whatever praise/service/lovin/cookies you want to gift wrap and deliver to me when I am feeling blue. That's also an untruth ,but something I like to pretend. I wish my fantasy life was legit.

If my fantasy-ness people would stop me in the streets and be all 'wow you inspire me. I read your blog and cried for joy. Here's a passion fruit smoothie.' Then I would bee all 'oh thank you. come to my poetry reading on thursday at the little cafe being built in my honor.' also I'm pretty sure my teachers would all be like 'chad you do not even haveta worry about homework. You are above that. Here is a certificate of awesome.'

Other things that would happen: Various companies would get me to represent them and be my sponsors. (Think Hershey's, Ghirradeli, Cheesecake Factory, Olive Garden, Taco Bell, Snapple, Jelly Belly, Dairy Queen, and other foods) They would Give me free foods and I would be in their commercials and stuff. Plus I would get on celebrity talk shows. I'm not sure why.

Most Importantly: my microwave would not be evil or hate me or try to kill me daily. And the birds in my apartment would not act like they are possesed. They especially act up when the microwave is on.....coincidence? I think not.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

What's Hot and What's Not: Everything You Need to Know

So I know pretty much all there is to know about pop culture. It's all run by this one guy who gets paid to determine which things are 'cool' and which are not. Then its everyone else's job to make whatever is 'cool' a big deal by talking it up and advertising it and stuff.

When I grow up I am going to be that guy, which is why I am hard at work studying pop culture by watching music videos on Youtube instead of doing my homework. Which is going to help me out most in the long run? Don't answer that.

SO anyway here's what I did for my faithful readers out there: I made you a list of what is 'in' and what is 'out' in pop culture.... and random other things I thought might be appropriate. I have divided this list into catagories to make it even more convienient. Aren't I the best blogger ever?

Also don't get all upset if you don't like my professional opinion. This list is shifting alllll the time. Your favs will be in in no time. Unless you have bad taste, which you might.

P.S. I started out thinking that this post was gonna be all funny and stuff, but then I realized that I am toatlly a genius and I made some really valid points. So yeah, this post is kindof a nothing. Anyway...

Here We Go!

Music:

Lady GaGa and Britney Spears just released their new singles at the exact same time. This has been the biggest controversy since Kanye West slammed Taylor Swift at the VMA. If you don't have an opinion get one. Preferably, get mine. Here's how its going down:
OUT- Lady GaGa's 'Born This Way'
Seriously GaGa? I'm a fan but this song was not even good.
IN- Britney Spears' 'Hold it Against Me'
I haven't been digging Spears lately, but this song totally rocks. Soo much better than Born this Way.

So in today's music world, everyone is totally looking for the nest big thing. Who's about to blow us all away with something totally new and cool?
OUT- Katy Perry.
Yeah she's great, but she has had her time. Her latest album will soon be old news. And then she will make a comeback. And then she will be old news again.
IN- Ke$ha.
Believe it. She is about to make a wicked comeback. You should start memorizing her songs because everyone is going to be all over them pretty soon. And you are going to look like an idiot when you say you haven't even seen her latest music video.

Television/Movies:

Speaking of music, music in TV has become all the rage or something.
OUT- Glee.
Glee was 'the next big thing' last season. Now they are struggling to keep audience interest. Not to mention that good music cannot justify the glorified high school drama all over the screen. I could do a whole section on who is out and who is in in the Glee cast, but it would be a waste of my time.
IN- American Idol  
Yup. Although it was totally out last season, there are all kinds of unique and crazy talented people this year that it is going to be awesome. There is definatley a very different and distinctinve tone this year that is going to revolutionize the music industry. So you better start watching right now.

OUT- Pretty much anything that won an Oscar
After 'Avatar' pretty much revolutionized the movie industry, people are still pretty unsure about what a 'good movie' is anymore. the Oscar people were totally confused and went with whatever was 'safe' and 'practical' instead of looking for the next big thing.
IN- The Classics
Nobody knows where the movie industry is going so decide for yourself. Get together with some friends who have Netflix and watch all those movies you've always heard about but never really seen. It will be way cool and a lot more satisfying than throwing yourself into a movie industry that is still defining itself.

Food and Drink:

K this one doesn't really have so much to do with pop culture, but it is always on my mind. Also my predictions about what is about to be cool are so right. People are starting to make subtle, healthy choices. Food isn't jut about feuling your body, its becoming an event to be enjoyed whether by yourself or with a slew of friends. Don't grab a pop tart on the go. Take some time out, Sit down, and enjoy your food. Cause thats what everyone eill be doing soon.
Out- Breakfast
Nobody really wants a bowl of cold cereal at seven in the morning.
IN- Brunch!
Think late breakfast with an elaborate menu. Way more appealing. Try fresh fruit, eggs, hashbrowns, toast, yogurt and granola.

OUT- Soda and energy drinks
These things are so bad for you, and unless you are trying to pull an all nighter, you don't need any of that stuff in your system. Plus I'm pretty sure most soda companies use animal testing which is totally cruel.
IN- Fruit Juices
Legit Fruit Juices include Naked, Snapple, and Simply Orange. These and other juice bottles will be in every celebs hand in the coming weeks.

OUT- Fast Food
I don't think I have to explain this one.
IN- Sit down resturants
You know, that little cafe on the corner or the Chinese place down the street. Try to avoid chains and instead go to those little resturants that make your city unique. you might be surprised how fun and tasty trying something new can be.

hey everyone I'm sorry that you probably hated this. I almost hated it. But eh, whatevs/ You can just play witht the fish in my fish tank and be happy.

Friday, February 25, 2011

A big fat 'What's What?' to the Universe

Dear Universe,

So things are not working out so much. You should probably fix that cuz it isn't my fault. I have a list of coplaints that better be taken care of pronto. I know I did this last week, but none of them were even addressed since then and if I take our conflict public you might start to take things seriously.

1. I WANNA CAR REALLY BAD!!!!! 4 Realz. I have to beg rides to everywhere. I'm not even going to ask you for some superfancy car that would be hard to get ahold of. Just as long as it gets 50 miles to the gallon and has a jacuzzi in back. Oh and a sun roof.

2. Hey umm I really need food. Like I could die without it. Except Ramen and I are so over. So you better hook me up with some serious gormet meals that also happen to be free. Maybe a professional chef could accidently back into my car (which you haven't given me yet) and feel like he has to make it up to me. I dunno. Just come up with something or you will have my death on your concience forever.

3. I feel like the living dead every day due to there are not enough hours of night. If I could get more than two hours of sleep everynight that would be pretty cool. Actually lets make it at least eight, just to be safe. And I still want to go to bed at three in the morning every night. Set aside world peace and work on this. In fact world peace would probably follow if everyone just got more sleep. Or you can just turn me into a vampire. That'd work too.

4. So remember how now that I am outta high school learning things costs money? And now that I am no longer mooching off of my parents I have to pay for things like 'rent'? And now that I have a credit card I have turned everysingleday into an online shopping spree? This means I am kindof lacking in the money department. So give me next weeks lotto numbers. Or I could inherit a fortune. Or discover oil. Get With It Universe! I'm doing half the work for you by coming up with brilliant ways to get me rich. Your Welcome.

5. I haven't gone on any celeb dates lately. In fact Taylor Swift hasn't returned any of my e-mails. In fact I don't even have her e-mail address. So get on that. Please. Pretty please. See, I'm nice to you.

Other than that things are pretty good. I can't complain about everything. I found an orange pen and it makes taking notes in class about 34 times funner. Also I got to vent in Delsy's car about STUPID PEOPLE that make me want to punch things. Also also I get to hang out every night with the funnest people ever. So yeah. You're doing an OK job I guess.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Me Being Really Lonely is Sometimes Really Awesome

That Title is a scrubs quote about a blog. It made me lol. It has nothing to do with this post.

There is a Legit Battle going on at the college right now. A LEGIT BATTLE.
People are running for student council.

That sounds like not-that-big-a-deal, but let me tell you, the campagning is getting Crazy. When I got to school there was this mass of 5,039,474,950 baloons that all were singing 'vote for me!!' in 7 part harmony. Also there are arches of balloons over everysingle doorway. and there are these little balloon-bushes that sprung up all along the walkways. I don't know why everyone decided to do balloons. bad idea.

I just really hope all the campagning balloons are hypo-allergenic. A lot of people are totally allergic to latex all the time. And these balloons are legit UNESCAPEABLE. I think they are setting up some that will follow you around and say catching phrases like 'Vote 4 Me' and 'monkeys are like us but without thumbs or brains or pants'

You can Smell the balloons before you even get on campus. This could seriously be unhealthy. In fact i might feign a latex allergy to get out of my other classes today. my teachers would totally understand. Like for real thats how bad the balloon epidemic is.

The reall problam with these balloons is: what are they filled with? 'Air' you think, but no, i am afriad it might be something more sinister. Like poisonous electric gas, and if these campagners don't win they might just threaten to Blow Up the School!! It could happen. The balloons have a sinister look to them that I don't trust.

 I will have to keep you updated, cause this student council election is bound to wind up on the news somehow. by tomorrow the campus will probably lifted up by all these not-so-harmless balloons and relocated in a remote island somewhere where the people running for stundent council will be supreme overlords over us. Whatever. Just as long as I don't have to take that biology test tomorrow.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Feeling the Love?

I'm not.
Not that I'm a Valentine's hater. Yeah Love conquers all and all that. Whoo hoo. Valentine's is not something imma bash on. But don't expect me to get all lovey-dovey on you. Unless you are going to get all lovey-dovey on me, in which case I might become a more avid Valentine's Day supporter. But no promises.

So things were pretty much just fine today. It didn't rain, snow or tornado. Nobody tried to kill me. People tolerated my existance. No attractive girls came up to tango with me. (P.S. that wasn't a good thing) I didn't get lovin from my love-muffin. Mostly cuz I don't even have a love-muffin. (Except for a few girls i am secretly dating online that don't actually know about me yet. Also not good.)

SO it was pretty normal, ya know. Heartless teachers trying their hardest to fail me and whatnot. Of course I ALWAYS COME OUT ON TOP!!!!!!!!

The real fun began after school. Which is when I started getting ready for a Non-Themed Potluck on Valentine's Day! Meaning I had to clean the kitchen and dining room while making minestrone soup and pumpkin chocolate chip cookies and giving everyone party updates. I felt like Superman a little bit for doing all those things at once. But mostly I felt like I was about to melt into a pile of onion flavored jello. Fun to look at, but really pretty gross and pointless. And gross.

So people came and some of them brought food and I was an ideal host and didn't tell anyone that I had hid all of the dirty dishes in the oven. There was real love in that room people. It was like 'oh all my frineds are together. Kodak moment! Lets take a picture and put it on my blog!' (yes I was really thinking of you. Happy Valentine's Day) The whole picture thing didn't happen though. I thought about drawing something for you, but you aren't worth the effort. (Now we can both have a dissappionting Valentine's Day.)

Anyway then people were all lingery and I was all tired and needing to not freak out on people and pretend I was listening, but as soon as everybody left, I was getting on my Margarita! Oh yes!

I went to a (Virgin) Margartia Night at a friends, and that was all the love I needed. And more. There were a few awkward moments, but what do you expect when we are all drinking sprite and margarita mix? Yeah, I know, bad excuse. BUT ITS THE DAY OF LOVE FOR PETE'S SAKE!! Yup, good excuse for anything. I could probably get away with anything if I just shouted that loud enough after the deed. Also attractive girls would probably tango with me. while biting a rose.

Back at home I got a call that said:  CHAD YOU HAVE A  WHY AM I USING CAPS LOCK SO MUCH? PACKAGE! It was a Valentine's Day package from the fam. With on of those speaking cards. Also chocolate. and gum. For fresh breath while tango-ing. Aw thanks family. At least someone loves me : ) <3

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Good News! And the events that led up to it.

So yeah life keeps happening. Last night we as a group of friends decided to make muffins and watch a movie about the supernatural! Except heres the best part: our muffins were rainbow-y. We mixed food coloring into the muffin batter and made magical muffin goodness. Highly recommended. Every food on earth is way cooler with food coloring.
So I came home and was all ‘muffin remains! Ima eatchu.’ And I got out the last of the rainbow muffins and suddenly from behind me I heard this chorus of angels singing. Needless to say I was pretty intrigued. I turned around to see what in my kitchen could angels be singing about other than me and maybe chocolate ice cream pie which is not yet invented. I turned around and there, behind me was
A MICROWAVE!!!!
No big, you say? Have you ever tried living without a microwave? It’s hard, k? Think about all the delicious foods you can’t eat. Pretty much everything under $5. Which is all I am willing to pay. (You can guess that My microwavable-goodness stash in the cupboard hadn’t been seeing a lot of action.) I was so thrilled I slapped my muffins on a plate and shoved ‘em in the microwave
 (This is where the bad news part happened)
I started pressing buttons and nothing even happened!!! It was turned on and everything. Also I am a really hard button pusher so that could not have been the problem. The only button I could get to work was the Add 30 Seconds Button. I can tell this is about to be an ongoing battle betwixt myself and the microwave.

Our microwave might be the devil.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Weekend Of Death!!! X(

Thanks a lot weekend, I was all pumpped for you and then you got all mean and blew up on me and threw me in the acid rain with chunks of once-good-weekend all over my sad little body.

Yeah it was that bad.

I'M SICK!!! coughcoughGunkchoughHackchoughhghhgnkghgyj This weekend was gonna be bomb. But no. I got to work on Saturday and I was all 'hey work whats crackin?' and then my throat felt like it wanted to kill the rest of me and then my boss was all 'do you need to go home?' and I said 'NocoughcoughGunkI'm totallyHackcoughWheeze Fine.   cough.

She made me go home anyway. So I was all 'fine I can still have fun. Ima facebook stalk people and watch funny videos on youtube.' but i fell asleep. ALL DAY.

Now I am all weak and sore-like and my body doesn't want to do stuff and I can't go to my uncles house for a rockin super bowl party. X(  Not happy......

Friday, February 4, 2011

Weekend! Come and get it!!

Thank goodness for Friday! Thigs have been pretty busy this week. From stealing a microwave, to moving into my newnew house, to midnight meals at Denny's. Oh and I think school happened somehwere in between...

AGH! I JUST LOST THE GAME!!!

Anyway, so I am in my new place! Its a real life house and you can read about it on someother post that I wish I knew how to link to this one. I'm incompitent when it comes to technology. But I am in my new ManCave. Which is good news. I Am Done Moving, Gosh Darn It!!

So who knows what this weekend has in store? I'm listening to Glee and waiting for fate to bring something exciting into my life once again. The possibilities are limitless. Get ready for the BestWeekendEver!

Also I'm thinking about starting another blog... Input?

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Who Ordered the Cold??!?

Cold + Wind + Me =BAD!

The past few days decided to jump into a windy freezer, and all the rest of us have to suffer. I knew bad things were coming when it started to rain on my way to class yesterday. I wasn't wearing a coat for the first time in weeks because in had been warm weather for a long time. Foolish me.

Then the wind attacked like mad and I had to walk home without a coat. Today was even worse because I simply had to wear shorts. I'm not learning anything.

When I went out tonight I didn't want to wear a coat, so I walked around with a blanket. Its like I'm taunting mother nature; Yesterday I was all: 'Its not that cold! I don't even have to wear a coat!' And mother nature was all: 'Ok Imma make it even colder and windier!' And today I was all: 'Oh look I'm wearing shorts!' If this keeps up a natural disaster is looming in the very near future. At least I'll die wearing shorts.

So yeah. I think I was supposed to say something about my day. But I didn't. I felt like an idiot wandering the streets in a blanket. People probably looked at me even funnier than usual.

This is proabaly a waste of your time.

This was probably a waste of my time.

ugh.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Changes

I'm not really the change type. So things like newness and suddenly having to switch apartments scares me. especially when I don't really know my roommates and I have one day to be out or I get fined and I am out of town and have no control over the situation. When things like this happen I stop freaking out and just go in to a comotose mental state.

So here I am at my new apartment that has a balcony watching other people move out because their lease is up at the end of the month too, I guess. But this is not even my pemenant home. This is a temporary place until we can for sure move into the house. So things are kindof really shaky. and every day might be the day we can move in. So we are all in a kindof a limbo situation. Suspended between houses.

I don't know at all how it will all work out. Or if I will like my roommates. I know I love the house. But this in-between state is like a moment of truth to see how things will be for the rest of the semester.

The instant I walked in I knew something was very different about my new living situation. Maybe it was the fancy looking rug on the floor, or the 20-something potted plants growing in the front room, but something has made me feel like a stranger. Like I don't belong yet.

 I had never even seen the apartment until my roommates started helping me move my stuff in. It doesn't feel like home yet. It doesn't feel like anything. It feels like a waiting room in the hospital where I can sit and read a magazine and wait for a loved one to come out of surgery. and will it be successful? and will he feel better now? One thing is for sure. Once we walk out of that waiting room together, things will never be the same.

I want to go. To a friends place maybe. To somewhere where I don't have to wonder what is behind this door, or who lives in what room and what is his last name again? Its strange to be new to something. A change in the scenery. A permenant change to my new surroundings; and perhaps they will change me too.

I'm scared out of my mind and I am practically shaking as I think about what lies in store. But I will just have to sit back and enjoy the ride where ever it takes me.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Busier Update

Yeah, so remeber when I said that Monday was busy? YEAH RIGHT cause on Thursdays I have class for 12 hours.(including my work study job) Beat that miss 59 1/2 credits!

So what did I do to relax after 12 hours of class? Watched some Buffy with my peeps. Oh yes.

Acctually I don't even really like Buffy.

Also I stayed up until like two in the morning.

Also i want to go to Disneyland this weekend.

Also the world in not probably ending in 2012. but you didn't hear it from me.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

I hope you don't like oatmeal.

Oh microwavable oatmeal you have failed me. sigh Thank goodness for Jordin Sparks for keeping me in a good mood. Ugh I nay never want oatmeal again. Why am I still eating this?

This is my dissappointing oatmeal. Note the earbud. Thats where Jordin is singing to me.


SO guess what I did last night? A Date Dash. You probably haven't heard of it ever. I kindof invented it. With my cousin and her roommates. Its a race to get a date in 15 mins or less. It was super the funnest thing ever. I think this is going to be a regular occurence...

This oatmeal is like chopped up slugs and cinnamon and parmesian cheese. Whatever.... Take it away Jordin. 'why does love always feel like a battlefield? Like a battle field? why does love always feel like....'

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

I Lied. Houses are Nice.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think I am in love! With my new potential home!! And this time it is not even an apartment, its a home. And homes are all loving and inviting and hug you when you walk in the door and offer you Ovaltine and cookies. That's the difference between an apartment and a house.

Its like I can see the ground of the abyss and there is a sunny patch with cute little flowers and bunnies and a pond with fish that are jumping merrily and there is a real live rainbow with a pot of gold and the air smells like apple pie and roses and has magical glitter in it that makes you breathe money. (Gosh, my analigies are brilliant)

Anyway thats my new (potential) house. Which I love with all my heart and I hope it will welcome me and make my life happy and harmonious.

The End

Houses are mean.

So this blog is supposed to be about my everyday I guess. I dunno what I was thinking when I named it. But I just now decided that I will try to post everyday. But no promises. And most of it will probly have nothing to do with my day. Like this one.

So here's the low down: Houses are mean. But mostly just to me. Its like they don't want me living in them or something. By houses I really mean apartments, but that title wouldn't be as cool.

So for my freshman year of college I had my housing all set and then a big gunk of life blew up in my face and suddenly I was skydiving into an abyss of you-no-longer-have-an-apartment. So I said, 'Ha! I can so do this. I'll have a new apartment by this afternoon.' It didn't work out quite like that, but pretty close.

So now I have a new apartment. But SHA-BAM! 'Hold on!' say all the little blown up pieces of life and then they blow up in my face again. And its like a re-occuring nightmare and I am skydiving sans parachute and my apartment is all. 'Hey don't mess with us. We are apartments and we are mean!'

So thats kind of where I am in life right now. But never fear! I am pretty much already not even close to having another place to live. But I have options. And as every avid dater knows, options are good. It means there is now light in the abyss and I can choose where I want to land. This is good news.

And now i am done ranting.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Busy Update

So I guess Monday is my BUSY day. I just found that out today because everything and a half just happened to me. And not just classes. K mostly just classes. I'm taking 19 credits, and I'm not allowed to say that in public because then people are all: well I am taking 59 1/2 credits beat that. Then I feel all insecure. This happens often.

K everyone 19 credits is a lot!! Promise! And I am taking a buch of music classes which are only 1 credit even though they make you do all kinds of stuff outside of class. Like concerts. And tours. Yeah my life is so hard people. Get with it and sympathize with me. Cause your not gettin anything from me. if you wanna talk about it we can go get ice cream sometime though. I'll pay.

Right now I am relaxing by facebook stalking people. Its a really bad pastime, I know, but it is just so fun. I wish I could get paid for it. I can't think of a good reason anyone would hire me to do that cause really anyone can stalk you on facebook. You could be stalking me right now. If so leave me a comment to let me know. I'll be flattered.

Ugh I have a headache. You don't care, but remember what I was saying about being sympathetic to me? yeah. If you have any intention of following this blog you are going to have to put up with a lot of that. Sorry. But its better than talking about it to my peers.

Maybe I could get a psychiatrist and he could listen to all of my petty, insignificant problems. Except for they cost money. So that idea is out the window. Nice thought though.

I am totally impressed that you got this far. I didn't even get this far. I got someone else to finish this blog for me. Don't believe that. It is an untruth.