Monday, August 1, 2011

So Insomnia would Not be all that cool

When I was younger last before last night I had this crazy notion that having insomnia would be all that, but apparently not because I have bee up since three in the morning and the past four hours have been full of death and mental decay and heavy reflection on the end of the world. Its that bad you guys.

I think the reason I thought being an insomniac is because some really great and monumental people had insomnia. The only one that comes to mind right now is Edward Cullen. And according to last months Enquirer John Travolta. He even had an emtional breakdown about it in the middle of an interview. Feel free to support him by joining the John Travolta Insomnia Awareness Group on Facebook.

But really Stephanie Meyer made the whole 'insomnia' thing really attractive in the Twilight Saga. I mean instead of having to sleep for half of the day, Edward got to stay up all night writing songs for his true love, admiring his collection of graduation caps, and not owning a bed. Plus he was a vamplire That basically sounds like the life. I feel so duped. This is probably how people feel after they watch funny Budwieser commercials and then decide to go get drunk and wake up the next morning in prsion for DUI. Prison is nothing like a Budwieser commercial. And insomnia is nothing like Twilight.

So here is how it happened: I was all headache-y and junk last night so I took a nap at five-thirty-ish and forgot to wake up and ended up sleeping for forever until three in the morning. Then I got up to get a drink and the world was all BAM you are no longer tired.

So I booted up the netflix and watched an episode of "Thats So Raven" (How totally Jr. High am I?) but that got old pretty fast so I thought sleep might be a good idea. But apparently The Powers That Be did not agree with me. So I pulled out the old recipie book and whipped up a batch of chocolate chip cookies while listening to a cd from former roomate Daniel and pretending I was back in college again. But I wasn't as my mother reminded me when she woke up and found me dancing to Regina Spektor in the kitchen. Also if it was college I wouldn't have fallen asleep until three in the morning anyway. So this whole post would not have existed.

Then I watched the sun rise and walked through the dew-y grass and enjoyed nature for a few seconds. I wanted to write a song for my true love, but my piano masterpiece would've woken up the whole world, plus no stuck-up, insanely weel read, fairly annoying burnettes who are physically incapable of closing thier mouths have come into my life lately so that idea was out the window. So I started a book. I really wanted to go somewhere but everything is the world shuts down at nine around here and if my parents woke up to the sound of their son driving away in thier car without telling them that would be bad news. So I justen showered and changed clothes and worked out and created/listened to a new playlist and checked up on my youtube subscriptions and wrote a blogpost and it is not even seven-thirty yet.

Insomnia would probably be a lot cooler if I lived off of blood.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Remember when my blog was the coolest thing ever for a couple of seconds?

So I have determined that there is only a limited amount of funny to go around, and for some reason the fates have taken all my funny and given it to someone else. Or something. Maybe I wasn't worthy. Or maybe they like to mock me. Or maybe they are saving up for someone who is outragiously funny and makes everyone laugh everytime they open thier mouths. Like Ellen DeGeneres. Or Jim Gaffigan. Or Al Gore. If this is the case I may be willing to sacrifice being funny for the rest of my life. I really don't have anything else to offer the world though.

Maybe I can be an example of what not to do. You know how on TV shows like the aptly named 'What Not To Wear' people are presented to society as the epitome of bad? Their clothes are analized by professionials because those people are I guess just that bad at fashion. That's going to be me.

Someday someone will come across my scores of journals in which I have recorded everyday of my existance and decide that everyone needs to hear my story. And be the opposite of me. because no one should have to suffer my crippling social awkwardness and my inability to do menial tasks. Like phone calls. Or ordering food at a fast food place. Once my awkwardness at a drive through casued three oil rigs to explode in Alaska. Or maybe that was global warming. ha ha, Good one Al Gore.

So where was I going with this?  I think I was trying to relive my glory days. Or convince myself that this blog was at one time worth it. Or try to get you to not regret following it. Or just to make fun of Al Gore. That one never gets old :)

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Hope this is worth reading.

I find that some of my best posts happen when I just start typing with no goal in mind. This will be one of those.

Jamming to Britney Spears. And thinking about things. like why am I suddenly not funny. I am such a failure at  life. Bleh. Well I guess  I will keep saying things anyway. Even though they are stupid. And the girl I want to date is in a relationship. And I can't date her anyway because I am going on a mission in no time flat. I would mention her name but if she read this it would be really awkward. I'm pretty sure we are supposed to get married though. She doesn't know yet. Or that I exist probably.

Also I am at home tonight for the one millionth time in a row. That is what I miss about college: being able to hang out with people. I haven't done that since a long time ago. I hope you all feel very sorry for me. I just need to lose myself in a choclate oblivion

OH OH OH OH!!!!! My new obsession: The Voice on NBC. It's like the next American Idol. BUt nothing is better than American Idol. heres a clip:

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Well it looks like I'm alone again

I am home alone again for a few days sue to my family is on a trip and left me here to work. yay.

Its interesting the things I learn about myself whilst home alone. For example I do not eat. Like at all. Its kinda sad. Also I think that there is nothing to do but internet. Which is NOT TRUE.

Its not all bad though. I am going to join them tomorrow by driving to Pheonix and getting on a plane by myself!! I'm terrified!! :D

i am so terribly klutzy and awkward that something is bound to go terribly wrong. Not like life-threatening wrong, more like I-will-always-remeber-how-stupid-and-embarrassed-I-feel-right-now wrong.

I want to say that No one will be safe at sky harbor airport once I step in, but that sounds really threatening and would probably get me arrested if any airport personel were to read it.

K lets put it into perspective: i have been on a plane only once in my life, and that was sixth grade for the sea camp trip. My parents weren't there, but we were heavily guarded by chaperones. Even then I found a way to embarass myself by throwing up all over everything. Which is bad. If you throw up in an airport, people pretend to feel bad for you but underneath they are really saying 'I can't belive this kid throwing up everywhere and making us pretend to feel bad. Lets glare at him when he is not looking.' The event is probably on youtube. Actually on second thought it probably isn't on youtube because youtube wasn't invented yet. If I throw up tomorrow you can bet your lucky stars that I will be trending within 24 hours.

Also I am terrified of terrorists. With the serious security at airports there must be dozens of 'em trying to blow things up like everyday. What am I supposed to do if I am confronted by a terrorist? I don't even know. Probably hunt him down and shoot him but not release the photos online and shrowd the event in mystery. Thats what my president would want. Or twitter about it.

Also (and this is a little embarassing)  I have only driven down to the valley once. And it was last week. What if I forget that I am driving and crash into a tree? It could happen. Or what if I pick up a hichhiker who also happens to be a terrorist? Or a Zombie? And what do I do if the air port is not where y GPS tells me it is? And what if I run out of gas on the rez? There is so much to worry about.

And don't even get me started on the layovers...

(Hey ya''ll sorry that this post is stupid. You probably hate me. I am just not on top of my game. But I feel the need to post this mediocre crap anyway. I blame cucumbers.)

Monday, June 20, 2011

RIP Friday

As you all should know, the sensational hit song "friday" by Rebecca Black has been removed from Youtube. I guess her parents got in a fight with Ark Music company and thought it would be best to remove the vid til after it was resolved. Or possibly forever. I really hope not though.I love "Friday"

My heart goes out to Rebecca. She was enjoying her 15 minutes of fame and all of a sudden no one can see her video. Mostly my heart goes out to me as I may never see that wonderful music video again. I hope to see more from the very talented Rebecca Black soon. You have forever changed me. With or without the video I will always be getting down on Friday in my heart. <3

Friday, June 3, 2011

Work Part 2

So here is how things have gone with work so far:

All the People In Charge of Me got together on my first day and said: This Chad kid is new. Let's make him a stacker because that job takes little skill and concentration.

The next day the People In Charge of Me got together and said: Well Chad is a horrible stacker. Let's make him a packer as that job requires even less skill and concentration.

A few days later the People in Charge of Me got together and said: Wow Chad cannot even hadle packing. I know! Lets let him work with the De-stacker which requires lots of skills and concentration and involves operating dangerous equipment!

I fail to see the logic.

So I worked with the De-Stacker today (actually a few days ago but we will pretend, a'ight?). and that things is pretty crazy. I was trained in the ways of the destacker by Bryan who realized right away that I was pretty helpless at this job and wasted very little time explaining things to me. He did teach me a new skill however and it is called MOVING CARTS. Mostly it involves moving these carts. The carts happen to be full of crates which happen to be full of cucumbers which is appropriate as this is a cucumber factory place-thing.

So I was getting really good at moving these carts and hooking them up to the destacker when suddenly Bryan told me that I HAVE TO DO CERTAIN COLORED CARTS AT CERTAIN TIMES!! Instantly MOVING CARTS got a whole lot harder. The good part is that there was a lot of down time between each cart so I got to work on another skill: PACING. Pacing helped me concentrate while I tried to figure out which color of cart came next.

If any of the People In Charge of Me came to check up on me I would stop pacing and instead use the Stand & Nod technique in which I observe the De-Stacker and pretend that everything is going to plan even if it wasn't. Which was often.

See these empty crates come from somewhere and go into the De-Stacker, and if they are crooked or sideways when they go in then the whole world explodes.Which is bad. So this one time I was using the Stand & Nod tecnique because one of the People in Charge of Me (Abel? Fredrick? Tony? I don't even know) was dangerously close. Suddenly TonAbelFredricky started yelling like the world was going to end and sure enough one of the crates was ON ITS SIDE so I had to switch the machine to manual and fix the problem. Which is really complicated because it involves unlabeled buttons. One of them was a self-desruct button I am pretty sure and so the whole world would have ended anyway if I had puched it. But no. I was amazing and saved everything.

The next day I was back to Packing.

Saturday, May 28, 2011


Things are totally ffreaking out. Or something.
I got a job. So thats cool or something.
 LEt me tell you about it:

DISCLAIMER: I do not hate my job as much as I am about to pretend i do.

K I work at a Cucumber plant. And yesterday was my very first day of work ever and I was all "YAY I am going to get there like twenty minutes early so that I will look soo prefresional!"! So I got to work and this boss lady was all: "do you have your Paperwork?" and then I remembered that fat stack of papers that I had thrown on my bookcase and not filled out after I was offered the job. I wanted to say "Yes. just not with me" but I  was too shocked to feel witty. SO I just ran home and got them and filled them out while my Wonderful mother drove me back to work and I ended up like twenty minutes late.

When I got back all the newbies were in the conference room watching Ultra Cheezy videos about discrimination and other things that are completely unrelated to cucumbers. Then boss lady left us alone with nothing to do for like half an hour and it was really awkward. Then she send us on break for another half an hour. Then someone was Really Flagrantly late so we got to watch the discrimination videos all over again!! Then we did nothing and a half (Which is more than nothing) For like ever.

Finally we went out to the cucumber packhouse. Where I was all excited to learn NEW SKILLS!!! Which is really cool cause they help you out in real life. Oh and the packhouse reminded me of Mr. Roger's Nieghborhood because they go visit factories and see where things are made. Like Crayons and Cucumbers. So my trainer took thirty seconds to teach me how to stack boxes of cucumbers. Then he told me that I know everything I need to know to work here for a year. So much for life skills. Later someone took twenty seconds to teach me how to pack cucumbers into the boxes. It involved counting to twelve.

So after doing all that for like five hours I got to go home and get ready for graduation. I couldn't help but find it totally hilarious that I was losing my freedom the same day all these cute little seniors were getting thiers. Thank you real world.
Also all I had on my agenda for graduation night was a game of Risk with my mom (Which did not even happen, P.S.)

So at least this weekend I have a family reunion right? Except oh no the real world wants to rob me of that too. Yeah I work all weekend : ( My family left me a cute and sincere note though. Oh and the whole house to myself,. And a car. I can pretend I am in college all over again. But instead of friends I now have a car. I'm moving up.

So today I we got off before one o'clock WHICH DOES NOT HAPPEN EVER. So I am going to spend the rest of the day Screaming 'The Lazy Song' by Bruno Mars and Eating delictables. Except I kindof just got my wisdom teeth out and still can't eat anything hard or open my mouth hardly. So that plan might be out the window...

My parents did leave me with some money so next on the agenda: $20 SHOPPING SPREE!!!!!!!
Somebody save me.