Saturday, May 28, 2011


Things are totally ffreaking out. Or something.
I got a job. So thats cool or something.
 LEt me tell you about it:

DISCLAIMER: I do not hate my job as much as I am about to pretend i do.

K I work at a Cucumber plant. And yesterday was my very first day of work ever and I was all "YAY I am going to get there like twenty minutes early so that I will look soo prefresional!"! So I got to work and this boss lady was all: "do you have your Paperwork?" and then I remembered that fat stack of papers that I had thrown on my bookcase and not filled out after I was offered the job. I wanted to say "Yes. just not with me" but I  was too shocked to feel witty. SO I just ran home and got them and filled them out while my Wonderful mother drove me back to work and I ended up like twenty minutes late.

When I got back all the newbies were in the conference room watching Ultra Cheezy videos about discrimination and other things that are completely unrelated to cucumbers. Then boss lady left us alone with nothing to do for like half an hour and it was really awkward. Then she send us on break for another half an hour. Then someone was Really Flagrantly late so we got to watch the discrimination videos all over again!! Then we did nothing and a half (Which is more than nothing) For like ever.

Finally we went out to the cucumber packhouse. Where I was all excited to learn NEW SKILLS!!! Which is really cool cause they help you out in real life. Oh and the packhouse reminded me of Mr. Roger's Nieghborhood because they go visit factories and see where things are made. Like Crayons and Cucumbers. So my trainer took thirty seconds to teach me how to stack boxes of cucumbers. Then he told me that I know everything I need to know to work here for a year. So much for life skills. Later someone took twenty seconds to teach me how to pack cucumbers into the boxes. It involved counting to twelve.

So after doing all that for like five hours I got to go home and get ready for graduation. I couldn't help but find it totally hilarious that I was losing my freedom the same day all these cute little seniors were getting thiers. Thank you real world.
Also all I had on my agenda for graduation night was a game of Risk with my mom (Which did not even happen, P.S.)

So at least this weekend I have a family reunion right? Except oh no the real world wants to rob me of that too. Yeah I work all weekend : ( My family left me a cute and sincere note though. Oh and the whole house to myself,. And a car. I can pretend I am in college all over again. But instead of friends I now have a car. I'm moving up.

So today I we got off before one o'clock WHICH DOES NOT HAPPEN EVER. So I am going to spend the rest of the day Screaming 'The Lazy Song' by Bruno Mars and Eating delictables. Except I kindof just got my wisdom teeth out and still can't eat anything hard or open my mouth hardly. So that plan might be out the window...

My parents did leave me with some money so next on the agenda: $20 SHOPPING SPREE!!!!!!!
Somebody save me.

Friday, May 20, 2011

The things I have Learned in College

I am now officially out of college forever (meaning for two years). So I am totes going to give you all the advice in the world. I am so generous and kindly.

Here is what you will/have learned in college if you are me:

  • Never ever loan anything to anybody ever.
I don't know why, but suddenly when you get to college are of your friends are not responsible with anything but their own belongings, and sometimes not even that, so don't trust anybody to give you back anything you lent them. You really cannot trust ANYONE. I once lent something to my roommate and when he moved out he took it with him. I had to break into his house and steal it back while he was away.
How to avoid this: Demand collateral! If someone wants to borrow your fav movie tell them 'only if i can borrow the shirt off of your back.' If they are willing then they totally deserve the movie.
The good side: You now have an easy way to get rid of all your not-so-hipster clothing.

  • Yes, you can function on three hours of sleep.
Not very well though. Don't plan on taking any kind of coherent notes before 11am. If you want to be cool and defy the system, throw a breakfast party at seven in the morning. No one will show up, but you will feel really cool.
  • For once the world really does revolve around you.
You don't gotta do nothin for nobody. (except maybe homework but that doesn't count) Live it up while you can. Note the word 'once'. Also this gives you permission to get your drama queen/king on. Be all that about your roommate troubles and pretend that your problems are the only ones in the world. In fact feel free to make up horrible things to complain about like:
 I have 52 1/2 credits,
the whole world hates me. I saw it on Yahoo news,
my significant other doesn't spend enough time thinking about me,
you are dumb,
my teachers are failing me on purpose,
my rommates are really aliens come to eat my brain.
  • Gossip is unnavoidable.
K we are a bunch of young adults. The only thing keeping us from going all Lord of the Flies on each other is by coming up with non-violent ways to hate on our peers. I have spend good long nights talkin up a storm about other people. This is probably because the college I went to was actually just a two year extention on high school. It is totally fun though.
Tip: instead of making up rumors about others, come up with some gossip worthy aciton yourself (Think 'Easy A')
  • Food now means anything canned, boxed, dehydrated, instant or ramen-ized.
You can't really ramen-ize something. But is sounded cool. Don't try and make any real food in college. Its funner to see how long you can last without fresh anything. Try having a ramen-a-thon with your friends by seeing who can last the longest eating nothing but ramen noodles. When people come to visit, offer them very simple meals that are 'real'. like fruit salad. Or boxed meals with a twist like Macaroni and Cheese and Spam. People will be amazed by your cooking skills. Really.
  • Mooching is absolutely ok.
You will feel bad at first, but if anybody offers you thier last little debbie snack you better be all over that. Its thier loss you know. also it helps their karma because they are doing something nice for you. They don't even have to offer. I got to the point where I would go to pretty much any friends house and get a meal out of it. It's ok. you are totally poor probably, so why not live off of other poor people's stuff. Consider it a way for you to get others to help the less fortunate (meaning you). Also mooching rides is a must if you are vehicle-less.
  • Get Good Grades
HA! Gotcha!

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Wha's hapenin' yo

So lately there has been this thing called finals where you risk 50% of your grade on one test. It's a lot like the lightning round in Jepordy. Most people totally freak out about this stuff and run around screaming about how the whole world will end if they don't memorize everything ever. For me finals are just another thing for me to put on my Things-to-completely-forget-about-and/or-ignore list along with the birds, global warming, and the stalker chick who lives two blocks down.

Dear my parents who are reading this: that last part was a joke i am really focusing on my academics cuz why else would i go to college right?

Yeah. k. So I actually kinda care about finals. Yesterday was crazy stuff cause I was all: Finals week is Super Easy cuza we have no classes and just like a couple of tests. But no, yesterday was a whirlwind of crazy. Some unknown force possesed me and made me sign up to work the Monday morning of finals week from 7 to 9. So I woke up thinking 'why did I even do thid to myself?' I have finals at 7 am on Wednesday and Thursday so yeah early morning work on Monday = not a good idea.

This is a waterfall to break the monotony of my complaining =D
 Then later that self-same Monday this on kind who I don't even know the last name of was texting me and was all oh yeah by the way our final is in 45 minutes. and it WAS and I freaked out. The End.

Also i had another other final and vocal juries which is where you sing at people and they tell you if you passed the singing class.

Today was a little different. I had ZERO FINALS

Picture of an Eye
 I woke up at late o'clock and chill-ed and watched like so many episodes of the Twilight zone!! anyway wow I am a horrible blogger.
I losing it folks

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Another Random Post when I am Supposed to be doing Homework

So yeah. I have another HUGE-MUNGO Essay due tomorrow. While I was watching American Idol I thought 'I will never have to write another essay for two whole years. Thats kinda sad.' then this halleluia chorus went off in my head and I was offered cotton candy and my own indoor pool by Jennifer Aniston. Also I think I got a pet elephant. Then I realized that I still had to write the thing and everything went bad and the cotton candy was rock hard and the pool was filled with gravy (which is pretty cool but really impractical) and Jennifer Aniston had horrble breath. That's basically nwhat went through my head.

When I stopped zoning out I saw this:

Haley Reinhart My FAV Contestant totally hit it out of the park. Sha-Bam! It was the best thing quite possibly ever.

Except this funny commercial!!