The things I have Learned in College

I am now officially out of college forever (meaning for two years). So I am totes going to give you all the advice in the world. I am so generous and kindly.

Here is what you will/have learned in college if you are me:

• Never ever loan anything to anybody ever.

I don't know why, but suddenly when you get to college are of your friends are not responsible with anything but their own belongings, and sometimes not even that, so don't trust anybody to give you back anything you lent them. You really cannot trust ANYONE. I once lent something to my roommate and when he moved out he took it with him. I had to break into his house and steal it back while he was away.
How to avoid this: Demand collateral! If someone wants to borrow your fav movie tell them 'only if i can borrow the shirt off of your back.' If they are willing then they totally deserve the movie.
The good side: You now have an easy way to get rid of all your not-so-hipster clothing.

• Yes, you can function on three hours of sleep.

Not very well though. Don't plan on taking any kind of coherent notes before 11am. If you want to be cool and defy the system, throw a breakfast party at seven in the morning. No one will show up, but you will feel really cool.

• For once the world really does revolve around you.

You don't gotta do nothin for nobody. (except maybe homework but that doesn't count) Live it up while you can. Note the word 'once'. Also this gives you permission to get your drama queen/king on. Be all that about your roommate troubles and pretend that your problems are the only ones in the world. In fact feel free to make up horrible things to complain about like:
 I have 52 1/2 credits,
the whole world hates me. I saw it on Yahoo news,
my significant other doesn't spend enough time thinking about me,
you are dumb,
my teachers are failing me on purpose,
and
my rommates are really aliens come to eat my brain.

• Gossip is unnavoidable.

K we are a bunch of young adults. The only thing keeping us from going all Lord of the Flies on each other is by coming up with non-violent ways to hate on our peers. I have spend good long nights talkin up a storm about other people. This is probably because the college I went to was actually just a two year extention on high school. It is totally fun though.
Tip: instead of making up rumors about others, come up with some gossip worthy aciton yourself (Think 'Easy A')

• Food now means anything canned, boxed, dehydrated, instant or ramen-ized.

You can't really ramen-ize something. But is sounded cool. Don't try and make any real food in college. Its funner to see how long you can last without fresh anything. Try having a ramen-a-thon with your friends by seeing who can last the longest eating nothing but ramen noodles. When people come to visit, offer them very simple meals that are 'real'. like fruit salad. Or boxed meals with a twist like Macaroni and Cheese and Spam. People will be amazed by your cooking skills. Really.

• Mooching is absolutely ok.

You will feel bad at first, but if anybody offers you thier last little debbie snack you better be all over that. Its thier loss you know. also it helps their karma because they are doing something nice for you. They don't even have to offer. I got to the point where I would go to pretty much any friends house and get a meal out of it. It's ok. you are totally poor probably, so why not live off of other poor people's stuff. Consider it a way for you to get others to help the less fortunate (meaning you). Also mooching rides is a must if you are vehicle-less.

• Get Good Grades

HA! Gotcha!