Dear Universe,
So things are not working out so much. You should probably fix that cuz it isn't my fault. I have a list of coplaints that better be taken care of pronto. I know I did this last week, but none of them were even addressed since then and if I take our conflict public you might start to take things seriously.
1. I WANNA CAR REALLY BAD!!!!! 4 Realz. I have to beg rides to everywhere. I'm not even going to ask you for some superfancy car that would be hard to get ahold of. Just as long as it gets 50 miles to the gallon and has a jacuzzi in back. Oh and a sun roof.
2. Hey umm I really need food. Like I could die without it. Except Ramen and I are so over. So you better hook me up with some serious gormet meals that also happen to be free. Maybe a professional chef could accidently back into my car (which you haven't given me yet) and feel like he has to make it up to me. I dunno. Just come up with something or you will have my death on your concience forever.
3. I feel like the living dead every day due to there are not enough hours of night. If I could get more than two hours of sleep everynight that would be pretty cool. Actually lets make it at least eight, just to be safe. And I still want to go to bed at three in the morning every night. Set aside world peace and work on this. In fact world peace would probably follow if everyone just got more sleep. Or you can just turn me into a vampire. That'd work too.
4. So remember how now that I am outta high school learning things costs money? And now that I am no longer mooching off of my parents I have to pay for things like 'rent'? And now that I have a credit card I have turned everysingleday into an online shopping spree? This means I am kindof lacking in the money department. So give me next weeks lotto numbers. Or I could inherit a fortune. Or discover oil. Get With It Universe! I'm doing half the work for you by coming up with brilliant ways to get me rich. Your Welcome.
5. I haven't gone on any celeb dates lately. In fact Taylor Swift hasn't returned any of my e-mails. In fact I don't even have her e-mail address. So get on that. Please. Pretty please. See, I'm nice to you.
Other than that things are pretty good. I can't complain about everything. I found an orange pen and it makes taking notes in class about 34 times funner. Also I got to vent in Delsy's car about STUPID PEOPLE that make me want to punch things. Also also I get to hang out every night with the funnest people ever. So yeah. You're doing an OK job I guess.
You can use me as a human punching bag any time … for 50 bucks every time.
ReplyDeleteHaha, I offered you gourmet pizza last night and you were all: "Hey, I don't eat pizza from you."
ReplyDeleteand I was slightly offended, but i got over it.
Its kinda funny, cuz I always wonder if I'm one of the 'stupid people' you have to vent in Delsy's car about.