Changes

I'm not really the change type. So things like newness and suddenly having to switch apartments scares me. especially when I don't really know my roommates and I have one day to be out or I get fined and I am out of town and have no control over the situation. When things like this happen I stop freaking out and just go in to a comotose mental state.

So here I am at my new apartment that has a balcony watching other people move out because their lease is up at the end of the month too, I guess. But this is not even my pemenant home. This is a temporary place until we can for sure move into the house. So things are kindof really shaky. and every day might be the day we can move in. So we are all in a kindof a limbo situation. Suspended between houses.

I don't know at all how it will all work out. Or if I will like my roommates. I know I love the house. But this in-between state is like a moment of truth to see how things will be for the rest of the semester.

The instant I walked in I knew something was very different about my new living situation. Maybe it was the fancy looking rug on the floor, or the 20-something potted plants growing in the front room, but something has made me feel like a stranger. Like I don't belong yet.

 I had never even seen the apartment until my roommates started helping me move my stuff in. It doesn't feel like home yet. It doesn't feel like anything. It feels like a waiting room in the hospital where I can sit and read a magazine and wait for a loved one to come out of surgery. and will it be successful? and will he feel better now? One thing is for sure. Once we walk out of that waiting room together, things will never be the same.

I want to go. To a friends place maybe. To somewhere where I don't have to wonder what is behind this door, or who lives in what room and what is his last name again? Its strange to be new to something. A change in the scenery. A permenant change to my new surroundings; and perhaps they will change me too.

I'm scared out of my mind and I am practically shaking as I think about what lies in store. But I will just have to sit back and enjoy the ride where ever it takes me.